Loneliness
by Raphaelfanguy4real
Summary: Tension rises easily in a family, but what would happen if that family was to break apart completely? Four brothers, on four different sections of the world, how will they survive without each other? - no longer 'on hold' but my posting will be slower for this than my others. again, really sorry. I know some of you guys lost hope in this fic, and I kinda did too. We'll see. -
1. mikey

Prologue

 _ **Surprisingly, it was Michelangelo who left first. We had never realized, until that moment, how much pain we'd been causing him. Every smart remark, every mocking tone, led to his eventual snap. He left one day after a huge fight, we searched and searched, but finally gave up. He wasn't coming home any time soon, if at all.**_

 _ **Raphael left next, about two months later.**_ _**He and Leonardo got onto a huge argument about Michelangelo, and he ended up leaving as well, again not returning, possibly out of guilt. He had hurt Leonardo badly, but he recovered. Raphael did not return.**_

 _ **Leonardo stayed with me and master splinter for a few more months, but lived in depression. Finally, convinced that he had failed as a leader, and a brother, my oldest brother left as well.**_

 _ **Now it is just me and master splinter. I used to think one of my brothers might return one day. They haven't yet.**_

Donatello pinched his lip. Sensei had suggested writing in a journal a few years ago, but he only now had the courage, before he'd worried that if they returned and found it, they would leave again. He thought of what he would have written those days.

Chapter one-Mikey

 **Mikey left us today, it's mostly my fault, but i hope he returns. I need him, his happy attitude, he is my brother.**

Mikey jumped over his older brothers head. "Try and catch me!" he called, waving the comic book. Raph jumped up and chased him.

"Why you little!" he growled, Mikey squealed in terror and dropped the comic book, running for his life. Donnie giggled when he ran past and Mikey tripped over his outstretched foot. Raph grabbed him.

"Hey!" he protested at Raph began punching him in the, well mostly everywhere.

"Raph!" leo said sternly, "stop!" raph looked up.

"Why?" he complained. Leo rolled his eyes.

"He can't defend himself, you know that." Mikey frowned, there it was again, Mikey wasn't good enough.

"Hey!" he protested but, as usual his brothers ignored him.

"Yeah? So?" raph asked, "maybe that's his own fault!"

"Hey!" Mikey said, as Raph got off him to confront leo. "I can defend myself!" he said, but they still ignored him. Raph pointed an accusing finger at leo.

"You just baby him too much leo! If i was leader, he'd be able to!" Mikey tried to step between his arguing brothers before they drew their weapons. Raph pushed him back. "This is between me and leo!" he said, Mikey stumbled against donnie's desk.

"Sorry." he muttered, straightening the stuff he'd displaced. Donnie was totally ignoring the fighting brothers.

"They'll settle it." he said, "let them fight it out." Mikey glared at him and drew his own nunchuck as his brothers drew their weapons. He didn't have to take this, let them injure each other over whether he can defend himself or not. He jumped in between them as they dashed at each other, he kicked leo back.

"Cut it out! You don't have to fight!" he said, leo glared at him.

"This doesn't concern you!" he said, trying to get around him, Mikey tripped him with the chain of his chuck.

"I think it does." he growled, "look at yourselves!" raph pushed Mikey aside.

"I'm trying to help you!" he said, Mikey rolled his eyes.

"No, you just want to be allowed to hurt me! I can defend myself!" raph stopped. He folded his arms, sneering.

"Yeah? How about we fight right now?!" he asked, Mikey held up his chuck.

"Bring it." he challenged his brother. Raph grinned at leo, who was getting up from the floor, his arm was bruised.

"He want's to fight me leo, hear that? You can't stop us." he said, leo looked at Mikey sadly.

"No, I guess I can't." he said, walking out of the room. Mikey turned to his older brother.

"I said bring it." he laughed, "or are you too scared of being beat by little weak Mikey?' raph grabbed his sais and spun them.

"That's it." he said, "you will regret it." donnie stood.

"Wait guys." he said, "that's a bad idea." Mikey glared at him.

"Let us 'fight it out' don." he said, "I can handle myself." raph charged, Mikey jumped up and flipped over him, swinging his chuck around and hitting raph's shell. Raph roared angrily and spun around, slashing his sai, Mikey ducked.

"Argh! Stand and fight!" raph said, "stop dodging!" Mikey crouched and sprang at raph's knees, knocking him over. He shoved upward and sent raph tumbling off his back. Stumbling forward he spun around, raph was glaring at him.

"Want To stop?" Mikey taunted, "or should I stop going easy on you?" he was hoping raph would want to stop, but no such luck.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing!" raph snarled, leaping at him, Mikey dodged to one side whipping his chuck around again, raph caught it this time, yanking it out of his hands.

"Hey!" Mikey said, as raph threw it aside, he grabbed his other one. Raph jumped at him, and this time he was too slow, raph jerked his sai down and Mikey felt it pierce his skin, just above his eyes. "Ow!" he cried, as raph held him down harder.

"What is going on in here?" a voice demanded, and raph got up off of him. Mikey got to his feet, cupping his forehead. "Michelangelo, are you hurt?" sensei asked, in a softer tone. Mikey glared at him, and sensei looked surprised.

"I can take care of myself!" he snapped, "i know you guys think I'm an idiot already." raph was glaring at leo, who was standing beside their father.

"You said you wouldn't stop us!" he snarled, leo glared at him.

"I said I couldn't, sensei can though." Mikey felt the blood begin to run through his fingers, and donnie took his shoulder.

"Mikey." he said, "let me treat your cut."

"No!" Mikey jerked away, "i don't have to live like this!" he backed away from all of them, "I can take care of myself! You guys always treat me like I'm an idiot! Well, i'm sick of it! I'm leaving! For good!" he grabbed up his nunchucks and stormed out, letting his blood stream down his face, he'd never tasted blood before, it tasted like metal, which he had tasted. Long story. He ran out into the sewers.

"Mikey! Wait!" raph yelled, running after him, Mikey didn't turn.

"I said I quit!" he shouted, "you quit all the time raph! What makes me so different?" he heard raph's feet stop pounding on the cement, that was ok with him. It proved what he already knew, raph didn't care if he left. When he got to the surface Mikey jumped to the rooftops, and sat down. He should check his wound. Reaching up, he felt the jagged cut, raph had torn a bit of his mask, and the scratch went into it, it was a few inches long but not too deep. It would probably scar. Mikey wiped the blood from his eyes and thought, where could he go? Not the farmhouse, but maybe up north. Yeah, he would head to the farmhouse, and then north from there. Great plan. Mikey unwrapped his hands and bound up his head, now he was gonna look like a lobotomy patient, oh well. He grabbed his chucks and slipped them into his belt, heading north was a really good idea. He glanced at the sky, so, it was setting over there, so that was west, and that meant that if it was on the left, he was heading, north? He hoped he was right. Wishing he'd paid more attention when donnie lectured him, he set off towards the woods, yeah, this was the way to april's house. He hoped.

Donnie stared at the door. "Did Mikey just, quit?" he asked numbly, leo nodded.

"I, I guess so." he muttered, "I, I wish I hadn'ta, I hadn't."

"Butted in on our convo?" raph snarled, "great idea!" donnie turned away, if he hadn't tripped Mikey, none of this would have happened, strange how one small act can lead to a family disaster.

"My sons." sensei said, cutting off the brothers bickering. "We must find Michelangelo, please, bring him home tonight."

"We will sensei." leo said, bowing, donnie had a strange feeling that they wouldn't see their brother for a long time.


	2. a missing piece

Donnie sighed as he typed on his computer. Raph and leo were out on patrol, but donnie had opted to stay in his lab, and try to locate Mikey, the gps signal had been lost in the area of the canadian/american/ border, donnie could only guess that his t phone had died, or he disabled it. Narrowing His eyes he leaned closer, the area Mikey was last known to be in was a dense forested area, just over the Canadian border.

"Don?" leo called, looking in, they must have come home early from patrol. "any luck?" Donnie sighed and dejectedly shook his head.

"Nothing." he said, "still the same, I think he must have disabled it." he frowned, "I wonder if he's thinking of coming back."

"I don't know." Leo said, shaking his head, "we don't even know if-"

"Shut up!" raph said, shoving leo aside, Donnie shot up.

"Raph! Don't!" he said, Raph sighed.

"Mikey's fine." he growled, "leo had better not have been about to say what I thought he was." Leo looked at the ground, and raph snorted. "Looks like he was."

"He, he didn't mean it." Donnie said, "he was only trying to be realistic." Raph now glared at donnie, and then sighed.

"Sorry leo." he muttered, "I'm just…." Donnie knew raph had a hard time admitting he had weaknesses, such as worrying about missing brothers.

"It's ok." Leo assured his red masked brother, "I was wrong to think like that, Mikey is fine."

"I hope so." raph said, "I, I can't believe i…" his gaze hardened, Don knew this meant he was about to go back into his protective tough guy shell. "I'm gonna go train." he said, and left. Donnie heard him talking to sensei for a moment, and then there was the telltale silence that meant sensei had convinced him to meditate.

"I'm sorry don." Leo said, "I didn't mean it."

"I know." donnie said, closing his laptop. "But moping around won't do us any good, let's go meditate with raph." leo nodded, and they walked to the dojo, without speaking, the two brothers sat beside raph and closed their eyes. Donnie concentrated on clearing his mind, which had always been hard for him, because of all the things he was always thinking about. Like the new radiator belt for the party wagon, and the oil check for the, he was doing it again. Donnie clenched his fists and forced his mind to empty. That's when he felt the horrible feeling.

He was alone, his brothers on either side of him vanished, and sensei was gone too, no one was near him, they'd all left. Donnie took a breath and tried to convince himself that it was just because of his stupid paranoia that they would all leave him.

"That is enough for today." Splinter said, breaking the spell that had fallen on the four of them, donnie opened his eyes. Raph and Leo were, as usual, right beside him.

"Thank you sensei." Raph said, and Donnie glanced at his immediate older brother, he did seem more relaxed, it was clear neither of his brothers were afraid of being abandoned. He shook his head, that was a stupid paranoia, of course they'd never leave him. As they walked out of the lair, raph put an arm around Donnie's shoulders.

"How you feeling brainiac?" he asked, and donnie mustered a smile.

"Fine." he said, "I'm sure everything will work out." raph pushed him playfully, and donnie wondered what raph had seen in his meditation to make him feel so much better.

"Duh! It's not like we all left!" raph joked, and donnie felt himself pale, what was raph saying? Did he somehow know about the dreams don had been having? "Whoa, you ok?" raph asked, surprised at the look on Donnie's face, donnie quickly put his grin back on.

"Fine." he assured his older brother, "just, tired I guess."

"You have been staying up lately." leo pointed out, "maybe you should take a nap." Donnie rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine." he promised, "i swear I'll take care of myself." _no matter what happens_ he added silently.

"Good." leo said, "then take a break today." donnie sighed, leo wasn't going to give this up, was he?

"Ok, I'll sit on the couch and watch cartoons all day." he joked, "come on leo, it's not like you haven't stayed up with me." Leo opened his mouth, and then closed it. Evidently having no response to that.

"Heh, he got you on that one." Raph laughed, walking to the pinball machine, "I bet I'll beat your score." but then he looked at the machine. "Hey, Mikey beat it already…" donnie frowned, had raph really not played pinball in two weeks?

"Oh." Leo said,a nd donnie suddenly had a strange thought.

"If mikey was here, he'd be like, beating his own." he laughed, and his brothers faces lightened.

"Thanks don." Leo said, "let's watch tv."

"Sure." raph agreed, and they settled on the couch bench thing that was in the pit in the center of the lair. Donnie grabbed the remote and clicked it on, the news came on first and raph snorted in disgust.

"Change it." he said, "i hate the news." Donnie flipped through the channels, finally settling on a documentary, one about prehistoric creatures. Raph was ok with this it seemed, because it started out with a vicious battle scene between an Allosaurus and a Sauropod. While they watched, Donatello found himself zoning out, thinking of all the things he should be working on. Oil for Raph's stealth bike, cleaning the microscope...he got up.

"Nuh uh." leo said, "this is your day off Donnie."

"I like working." Donnie grumbled, but sat back down. That's when the power went out.

"Aww man!" Raph said, "they were just getting to the good part!"

"So, seeing animals ripping each other apart is good." donnie observed, "I'll make a mental note of that raph." they sat silently for a moment, as if waiting for Mikey to start freaking out, thinking the world was going to end, or for him to make a wisecrack about raph liking a documentary. Whatever they were waiting for, it didn't come. Suddenly Donnie stood up again, leo scowled.

"What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously, donnie sighed,and walked to his younger brother's room. It was just as Mikey had left it the morning he left, the blankets rumpled, pizza boxes stacked on the floor, Leo and Raph followed him.

"What are you doing?" raph asks,and donnie crouched

"If he comes back, he might like a clean room." he said, and raph nodded.

"Ok, we can help you." Donnie's two brothers kneel and help him clean the room, it takes all day, but they get it organised and they end up with a pile of things that have no obvious place, these donnie picked up. He might as well put them somewhere they can see them,so they never forget their little brother. Don places the things on the table in front of the tv. They stand and look at the pile for a long silent moment. Leo breaks the silence.

"Tomorrow we restart regular training and patrols," he declared, "get some sleep." the two middle brothers watched leo go to his room. Donnie was sure raph understood as well as he did that this meant leo was giving up on locating mikey. Raph ignored his attempts to catch his older brothers eyes, so donnie went to raph to stare at the pile of Mikey's belongings.


	3. Raph

_**Raph and Leo had a huge fight, Leo is unconscious in my lab. Raph stormed out, I hope he comes back, I don't know if sensei could bear another of his sons leaving for good. Yeah, Mikey is gone. I hope raph doesn't leave as well.**_

Raph glared at Leo. "I hope you're happy." he muttered, not loud enough for his brother to hear, oops, he heard.

"About what?" Leo asked, turning, raph got to his feet. Staring at the small pile of Mikey's things, they'd lain there for two months, and Mikey still hadn't returned.

"Mikey is gone, and you don't even care!" he snarled at Leo, "you shouldn't be our leader!" Leo stared at him.

"You think I don't care?" he croaked, "of course I care! And it's not like I could have stopped him!"

"Yeah, you could!" raph shouted at his brother, "you could have left us alone!"

"Raph." Donnie said tentatively, "please don't."

"Don't what?" raph asked, rounding on him, "Speak my mind? Fat chance!" he glared at both of his brothers, "it's not my fault, I know that!" he said, "so it must be Leo's!"

"Listen to yourself raph." Leo said evenly, "you're just upset, calm down." raph glared at his older brother.

"Upset? You bet I'm upset!" he roared, "you didn't run after him! I did! He left because you said those horrible things about him!"

"I said?" Leo asked, firing up as well, "you said it was his own fault! You said that you didn't care about him! And we all ran after him, you were just faster! We searched and searched every inch of this stinking city! All we found was that he headed north, what do you want me to do? Go to the arctic looking for him?"

"I did not say I didn't care about him!" raph defended, "I said that if he gets a few bumps and bruises, he'll be fine!"

"Yeah, and then you jabbed his eye with your sai raph!" Leo yelled, "think about that!" raph froze, was it his fault? It couldn't be, he'd been trying to show Leo that Mikey could defend himself...right?

"Liar!" he yelled, "I, I never stabbed him!" he knew this was a lie, he'd hurt his younger brother..

"Raph." Donnie said, "we aren't mad at you." raph turned away, he couldn't do this.

"I'm going out." he grumbled, but Leo grabbed his arm.

"No, you are not." he said, "you are going to finish talking to me, instead of running away when I say something you don't like." raph's eyes widened.

"Did you just call me a coward?" he growled, spinning around to face him, Leo shrank back a bit.

"Uhm, yeah." he said, and stood taller, "you always just go off in your own little world whenever you're mad, you should talk to us."

"Seriously?" raph yelled, "you want me to talk to you?" he grabbed Leo's arm, "I don't want to talk to either of you, you know who I want to talk to?" Leo winced. "Mikey!" raph yelled, "i want to talk to him!"

"Let go of me raph." Leo said, raph gripped Leo tighter.

"No." he said, "because I don't care." Leo struggled in Raph's hand.

"Let go of him raph." Donnie said, "please," raph glared at his younger brother.

"Why?" he asked, "so he can say I was cowardly?"

"He didn't mean that." Donnie pleaded, "just stop fighting."

"I meant it." Leo snarled, "i meant every word I said." raph stared at his brothers, they were acting like he was a villain, but then he looked at his hand, he was clutching Leo so hard his knuckles were white. Raph let go. But Leo was still glaring at him.

"Are you even a part of this team?" he demanded, and raph frowned, what was that supposed to mean?

"What?" he asked, looking at Leo, but Leo was just getting started.

"I've had to deal with you for years!" he said, "but you just keep going down! You always think your ideas are better and I'm sick of it!"

"Leo!" Donnie pleaded, "stop!" raph pushed past the purple clad turtle and stabbed his finger into Leo's chest.

"Yeah? Well i'm sick of you acting like you have to tell us what to do all the time!" Leo jerked away and jabbed at his own chest,

"I am the leader raph! Not you!" raph grabbed his sai, he didn't believe this, Leo was acting like he was responsible for this, he wasn't, at least not entirely. Raph charged at Leo, and saw red.

Raph blinked, why was Leo lying on the floor, in a pool of red? And why was Donnie crouched beside him, glaring at raph, raph looked at his sais, they were streaked with red, and he was covered in his brother's blood.

"No." he choked out, but no one heard him, he stumbled backwards and ran out of the lair, he could never go back there. He'd run, just like Mikey and, they were better off without him anyway. When he got to the edge of town he looked at the horizon, west. Donnie had once said there was a huge system of caves in Arizona or something, that no one had explored all of it, that was where he should go. Wiping the sais off and putting them in his belt, raph jumped down, it would take a long time to get there, but he could never come home.

Donnie crouched over Leo's bleeding form, raph had fled, but Leo was hurt. He gently picked up his oldest brother and carried him to the cot in the lab. Laying him gently Donnie sobbed. How could their family be so broken?

"Donatello." Sensei said, Donnie turned.

"Master splinter." he gasped, "raph, he, he, he got mad at Leo, I don't think he realized what he was doing, but I need your help to get Leo healed, I don't know when raph will come home." Donnie knew in his heart that raph would be gone for a long long time.

 _hey guys, sorry this chapter was so short! I'll try to make the next one a little longer. thank you all so much for the encouraging reviews! and be sure to check out my one-shot 'green fingers'_


	4. Fractured Hope

Donnie redressed leo's wound and wrapped it tightly. Why wouldn't his older brother wake up? He sighed, and put a new wet cloth on his oldest brother's forehead.

"Please leo." he whispered, "you and master splinter are all I have left." leo stirred, and donnie's eyes widened. "Leo…?"

"Don…" leo barely whispered, but donnie heard it.

"Leo!" he cried, hugging his injured brother gently.

"What?" leo asked, blinking awake, "how long have I been,"

"Three days," Donnie whispered, "oh leo, I'm so happy you're ok."

"Raph?" leo asked, and donnie ducked his head "where is he?"

"I don't know." donnie whispered, "please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not." leo said, his voice becoming almost robotical."it's not your fault."

"But it is leo!" donnie protested, leo shook his head.

"Not." he said, and swung his legs around, donnie steadied him as he sat up. Leo looked around the lab, and donnie knew it was very untidy, but he'd been in a fluster for three whole days, trying to keep leo alive, he had an excuse to be messy.

"I'll clean up." he assured his brother. Leo shrugged.

"OK." he said, "go ahead." Donnie sighed

"Leo, we'll find him, maybe Mikey too, heck, maybe they're together," he said, "we will, I swear." leo looked at him, and Donnie saw that his eyes, those deep blue eyes he had looked into so often for comfort, were broken. His eyes looked like shattered glass, and it almost broke donnie's heart.

"Ok." he said again, and lay back down. "I guess you want me to rest then." Donnie let him pull the blanket up over his head, but he knew leo wasn't going to fall asleep, he'd been out for three days, he needed activity.

"Actually," he said, "Sensei wanted to see you when you woke up, come on," he took the blanket from leo and had him sit up, Leo did, almost as if he didn't care.

"Fine." he said, "let's go." Donnie helped his brother stand, and they walked slowly into the dojo.

"Sensei." Donnie called, "leo's awake."

"My son." Splinter said, looking up from his meditation, "I am glad that you're alright." Leo knelt and Donnie let go of his arm.

"I'm fine." he said, and donnie frowned, his voice was still Monotone, like he'd lost all hope.

"Leonardo." Splinter said, "would you care to meditate?"

"Sure sensei." leo said, and Donnie sensed the concern in his father's eyes, but he closed them and fell into a deep trance with leo. He didn't really want to meditate, so he went out into the lair, it was very quiet, Leo often meditated with sensei, but Mikey and Raph were always out here, bickering or watching tv. He sighed, and a terrifying thought struck him. Mikey was gone, so was Raph. that was the beginning of it. He closed his eyes and rubbed them, no, he couldn't do this to himself. Even if his other brothers never returned, Leo would never leave...right?

ok, I know I promised a longer chapter, but some time needs to pass right here, so this is pretty much the middle of chapter four, the rest is a few months later. super sorry!


	5. leo

_**Leo is so depressed, i think he may leave soon. I will try to keep him here for sensei, but he feels that he failed as a leader, And even worse, a brother. I hope he does not leave us.**_

Leo woke up to find donnie looking nervously at him. "I'm fine." he lied, the truth was, he was a failure. He'd driven two of his brothers off by pure stubbornness, what would happen if he made donnie leave? Who would take care of master splinter?

"Ok." donnie said, "but I got your medicine." he held up a spoon, leo took it and gulped it down, donnie tried so hard, but leo was already a failure. "See? Not too bad." donnie said, putting the spoon away, "what do you want to do today?" leo looked away, he hadn't spoken very much recently,and he could tell donnie was worried. But it was him opening his big mouth that had caused all this trouble, and he didn't want to make the same mistake three times.

"I dunno." he finally said, donnie looked relieved just to hear him speak.

"Oh come on, you got to want to do something." he pressed. Leo shrugged, he just didn't want to make donnie leave.

"I'm going to talk to splinter." he decided, donnie looked ecstatic that he was finally talking more than once a day, but leo worried still. He got up and walked to his father's room. "Sensei?" he asked, splinter turned.

"Leonardo." he said, pleased, "I am glad that you are up."

"I wanted to see how you were doing." leo explained, "are you ok?" splinter looked way too happy for a guy whose sons had run away, but he was happy.

"I am alright." he assured leo, "come talk to me." leo knelt by his father's chair. Splinter gestured with his hands at the rug. "Do you know what those symbols mean?" he asked, leo looked at them, he didn't recognize them.

"No father." he said, and sensei nodded.

"There are few who do, let me tell you the story."

" _Long ago, in ancient japan, there was an emperor. The emperor had four sons. One day, when he was close to death, he called his sons to his bedside. He told them he would die soon, and that he wanted them to split the kingdom equally into two or four clans. The eldest, who wished to obey the laws and rules, suggested that they remain as one kingdom. The second brother who was prideful, yet also very true to his family, wanted to split it to four, one for each brother. The third, took it upon himself to decide what ways the kingdom would split, and came to the conclusion they would thrive most if they were two clans, instead of one or four. The fourth brother was content with whatever his brothers decided, because he hated family quarrels. The second brother conceded that splitting was a good idea, but the first argued against it, warning that he would take the majority with him if they did. Fighting broke out, and soon, the fourth brother, who had tried to calm his brothers, lay dead in the courtyard. The eldest brother, distraught at the thought of killing his own brother, fled, never to return. The second and third brothers split the kingdom equally, as their father had asked. The second named his the Foot clan, to remember the thousands of feet that walked upon the earth,and the third brother named his hamato, in his father's name. The eldest brother traveled for days trying to find his way in life, and eventually threw himself into he waves, to join his younger brother."_

"You see leonardo, all arguments are many sided, the second brother only wanted the best for their family. But ended up killing his brother." leo nodded, but he was still confused, who was he? The oldest? The youngest? One of the others?

"Nice story." donnie said from the doorway. Leo looked at his brother, who was he in the story? "Is there more?" donnie asked but sensei shrugged.

"Many ends are left up to those who hear them." he said, "make your own path." leo nodded slowly, that made sense. He got up abruptly. And pushed past donnie out to the lair, he knew what he had to do.

"Well, bye then leo." donnie said, sounding a little disappointed. Leo ignored that, he'd come to a conclusion that made goosebumps rise on his arms, the only way to keep from hurting his remaining family was to leave.

Leo glanced around, grabbing his pack, donnie was asleep, but he had left a note on the cot. By the time his brother read it, he would be gone. Leo climbed up out of the lair,and headed to the docks. He wanted to drown, he was a horrible brother, but just in case some weird thing happened, he'd brought a few supplies. Leo stood at the end of the pier and looked at the glassy black water below, he was the second brother now. Spreading his arms he let himself fall into the depths.

Donnie jerked awake, and ran to the lab, leo was gone. He read quickly through the note and felt tears welling up in his eyes, leo… not him too. He ran to the dojo, "mas, master splinter." he gasped, "leo's gone." master splinter jerked upright.

"Gone?" he echoed, donnie handed him the note, sensei rubbed a hand over his eye. "My son." he said, "leonardo." sensei suddenly whipped around to face donatello, "will you leave as well? Will this family soon reach the far corners of the earth?" donnie took his father's hand.

"I will never leave." he promised, "i'll try to find my brothers." he hugged his father tightly, now it was just the two of them.

ok, here is the second part of chapter two, i know I'm moving a little fast, but there's more important stuff later...


	6. Two in The Same Situation

Mikey stared at the sky, leaning against a branch as he hugged his legs. He'd left. He'd left his brothers months ago, and he didn't even regret it, unless, this was regret, this thing he was feeling, he pushed it down inside. They didn't want him, and they didn't need him. Three was the magic number. Mikey got to his feet on the branch and stretched, leaning forward and backward with his hands above his head. Then he jumped down, might as well head as far north as possible, right? Only, north was cold, and as a reptile, that was a bad idea. so, he turned towards the sun, it was sinking lower in the sky, that was...west. Probably, he could head west a bit too, north west, didn't matter. So, Mikey rubbed his eyes as he began walking, he'd stop somewhere once he found a place to sleep, later, now he wanted to continue his quest. Heh, was this a quest now? Mikey stopped in his tracks, uncertainty filling him. What was he even doing? Was he so sure his brothers didn't need him? He shook his head, _he_ was pretty sure they needed him, but they were positive they didn't. Mikey sighed, rubbing his temples, the thing about being alone, you had to make all the decisions. He gave a weak chuckle and stared at the sky.

"What would Leo do." he said aloud, his voice raspy from dehydration, yeah, Leo would find water, Leo was always going on and on about how water was so important, Mikey glanced around, he hadn't seen any rivers or creeks recently…oh well, he would just keep an eye out now. Mikey kept walking west, well, mostly west. He couldn't be sure as the sun sank behind the trees. As he walked, he found himself whistling a tune, it was the song he always sang with ice cream kitty, man, he missed her. Oh well, the guys would take good care of her anyway. He hopped over a narrow ditch and kept walking, then turned, a ditch? It looked more like...a dry stream bed. Suddenly, the sky flashed with lightning, followed closely by thunder, and Mikey shivered. He hated storms. Mikey scanned the surrounding area, there was a small cave in the side of the stream bed, and he hopped down. Mikey peeked into the shallow cave, seemed dry enough, and besides, maybe this storm would leave puddles in the stream bed.

"Would you look at this." Mikey murmured to himself, "my own little hole in the ground." so, he huddled down on the floor of the cave, to wait until morning.

When Mikey awoke, the first thing he noticed was wet. Wet feet, wet legs, no wet shell though. He opened his eyes, the once dusty stream bed was now a playful creek, tumbling along. And it so happened that the cave he'd chosen to sleep in was low enough that it filled a few inches with water, making a shallow pool of still water that was disturbed as he got to his feet, and yawned. How long had he been asleep? He stumbled out into the creek, the sun was high overhead,and he groaned. _Good job getting a head start Mikey._ He scolded himself, _can't even rest without wasting time._ Mikey climbed out of the creek, _oh well, you did find water._ Mikey scooped some up and let it fall over his dirty face, enjoying the feeling, he rubbed his forehead, and felt the now familiar bump just over his right eye, he gritted his teeth. _Raph._ Mikey got to his feet, and then he heard a faint rustling sound from behind him, and spun around, grabbing his nunchucks, he hadn't really needed to use them so far, most of his scares were just deer or rabbits. But he could tell that whatever this was, it was big. He watched carefully as a huge shape lumbered out of the undergrowth, was that, a bear? Mikey felt chills run up his shell. He hoped the bear wasn't hungry. But, that didn't look quite like any bears Donnie had shown him, in books and online, it stood on it's hind legs and Mikey gulped. It was a mutant.

"Hey! Furface!" he shouted, imitating raph, "wanna piece of me?" the bear mutant glared at him, regarding him, and Mikey gulped again, what was this thing? Then. as quick as lightning,. The thing slashed out a hand/paw and Mikey saw the glint of claws. He ducked neatly and stepped to the side, whipping his nun-chucks towards Furface. Furface responded by catching one in his huge tooth filled mouth. Mikey felt it be pulled out of his hands.

"Hey!" he said indignantly, wincing as a three month old memory came to mind, when he'd repeated this word for a few moments before butting in on his brothers conversation. What if they were right, and he couldn't defend himself? If they were, now was the time to find out. Furface lumbered towards him, Mikey backed up and felt his foot touch the water. He made a split second decision. Mikey jumped up and landed on top of the monster. "Ha!" apparently furface didn't like that. He reared back again, and Mikey grabbed hold of a piece of fur. He was whipped around for a few moments before his fingers slipped, and he slammed into a tree. He winced and held his arms over his head protectively.

 _He can't defend himself, you know that._ Mikey felt rage roar in his ear and rolled to the side as furface slammed his fist down, a razor sharp claw scratched under Mikey's left eye, and he felt it begin to bleed.

"Fine!" he shouted, "you wanna fight me? Fine! Try and beat me!" he cried, holding his ground as furface turned, strangely, he felt instinct taking over. He saw things that he could use, that branch, he could catapult off it and land on the beast's head, he didn't even remember doing it, but he landed on the huge shaggy head of the thing and it fell, unconscious. Mikey picked himself up and looked at it. "Sorry furface." he said, "but you attacked me first." he picked up his nun-chucks and slid them into his belt, a drop of blood hit his hand and he frowned, how badly did that thing get him? Mikey knelt next to the creak and looked at the reflection, he jumped, surprised. The small cut under his left eye was bleeding more than he'd expected, and he took a piece of cloth from his foot wrap, and tied it over the cut. Heh, now he looked like he'd had a lobotomy again. But, that wasn't all he'd been surprised by, his freckles were almost nonexistent under the screen of dirt. And he had a few scratches on his face, more than he'd even felt. But, he felt like there was something strange about his eyes, he couldn't place it though. Mikey stood up, he'd wasted enough time today. Mikey got back to his feet. He turned his back on the mutant, on the stream, and walked away.

Raph peered through the darkness. He'd forgotten that being underground, meant that there was little light, even though he'd lived almost his entire underground. He'd entered the small entrance in the side of a mountain a few, hours, Days ago maybe? He sighed, he was a monster, he couldn't get the image of Leo's bruised and battered body, just lying there, out of his head. It'd been at least two months since he left, and he still wondered if Leo was...ok. Raph punched at the wall angrily, and fell forward, apparently the tunnel had widened out, he got to his feet, annoyed. Raph sighed, what was wrong with him? Why did he always have to mess the team up? Sure, the others could be boneheads, but he was the reason Mikey had left in the first place. Raph staggered forward until he felt the wall, and then walked slowly along it. Suddenly, the wall was gone, and raph almost face planted again, he looked around. There was another tunnel, and light at the end, raph felt relieved, he could finally get out of here. He started to jog towards the sunlight streaming in, and when he emerged from the tunnel, he could barely believe his eyes, he'd felt so sure he was going down, but at some point he must have gone up because he was almost to the top if the mountain, and he could see a city sprawling below him. It was so breathtaking, it almost took raph's breath away. Suddenly his foot slipped, and raph looked down, he was falling off the edge of a forty foot high cliff.

"Shell." he said as he plummeted down, his shell made a loud crack against the ground as he landed,and he moaned in pain, unfortunately, karma wasn't done with him yet. As he tried to get to his feet he began rolling down the mountainside, very painfully. He skidded down a rocky slope, grabbing for a handhold, sharp rocks pricked his jade green skin as he grabbed onto a large root, sticking out of the ground, he moaned softly again, and pulled himself up onto the net of roots that the one he had grabbed trailed sure he was secure, raph checked his arms for injuries. He wasn't cut very badly, but he still had a ton of bruises as he checked his plastron and shell, he was glad to find that it wasn't too badly injured. Then he focused on his legs, ok, one small cut under his knee, not too bad, and then he tried to move his left leg.

"Grargh!" he yelped, and grabbed his knee, it was dislocated, he started to hyperventilate when he saw that his toes were pointing a little too far to the right, and he tried to calm himself. Raph closed his eyes, he gripped his lower leg firmly with one hand and his upper leg with the other. He was suddenly thankful for all the times he'd been forced to sit through a lecture from Donnie about injuries. He took a deep breath and jerked his leg hard back into place. His vision fuzzed from the pain.

"Augh!" he couldn't stop the scream of pain that erupted from his lips, but as soon as the pain faded and his vision returned to normal, it felt much better, and could actually move. Raph got shakily to his feet and glanced around. He'd slid a good fifty yards from the cave entrance, and he wasn't sure he wanted to go back, yet. He needed to find food first. As he staggered to flatter ground he tried to remember what plants could be eaten.


	7. oops! sorry!

hey guys, sorry this isn't a real chapter, but i'm having some pretty sever writers block with this story, I'll post new chapters from time to time, but they sadly won't be as regular as my other stories which i encourage you to check out! anyway, apology apology apology. so, it's gonna be on hold for a bit. sorry again. I'll try to update as soon as i finish the next chapter.


	8. Just a Dream

_**hurray! i finished chapter six! sorry about**_ _ **the**_ _ **wait i was**_ _ **just**_ __ _ **having**_ _ **a bit *cough* a bit of writers block, i think it'll go a little**_ _ **faster**_ _ **now, but no promises!**_

Leo groaned, was he dead, drowned? It didn't feel like it, and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be feeling pain in heaven. Unless he hadn't gone to- never mind. He was obviously alive and he felt his heart began to pound. Where was he? Had Donnie found him? Please no. He couldn't bear the silence in the lair, and his father...he was a failure.

As Leonardo grew more aware of his surroundings, he felt the sand underneath his eyelids begin to burn, and felt water lapping at his feet. He rubbed his hand slowly along the ground, sand. He managed to open his eyes, only to snap them shut again, the sunlight was really bright. He cracked his eyelids and groaned, getting accustomed to the bright light. Then he tried to move his arms, they were stiff, and a strange color, he could only assume he was sunburned, though he'd never had been before.

Leo sat up, disoriented, the water lapping at his feet spread out into an enormous blue sheet that touched the edges of the sky, the ocean. As the blue clad turtle looked around, he found out two things. One, he was on a sandbar near an island. Two, the island was the only land he could see.

He got shakily to his feet and rubbed his head, his finger caught on the worn out, sun bleached blue mask over his eyes. He pulled it down around his neck and checked to see if his katanas were still in place on his back. Miraculously, one had stayed in it's scabbard but the other wasn't there. Leo sighed and his throat burned with salt and dehydration. He hoped beyond hope that there was freshwater on that island.

Leo tentatively stepped into the ocean, the water felt cool on his bare feet, his wraps must have fallen off, and as he waded in deeper he could feel his strength slowly returning, not fully of course. He waded in until he had to swim, and then took a breath, he plunged down into the water and pushed himself forward with his arms, the water tugging at his mask around his neck, he debated opening his eyes and finally decided to. He was met by an amazing sight, it was like an underwater rainforest, huge spires of coral reached up from the ocean floor and fish scattered as he let himself go to the surface, he treaded water and peered at the island, it was farther away than he'd thought, so he dove underwater again and swam until the ocean floor rose up to meet him, and then he walked, his chest and arms rising out of the water as he strode forward, he stepped out onto the sun warmed sand and looked along the beach. There didn't seem to be any civilization. Leo decided it would be best to search for freshwater, because if there wasn't any he'd die of thirst. He staggered up the sand dunes and scanned the edge of the forest for a stream, it made sense that the it would flow into the ocean, so he decided to walk along the edge of the trees, he set off underneath the shade, but in sight of the beach. He wondered if mikey or Raph had come home yet, but then pushed them into the back of his mind, he had failed them, so he shouldn't think of them.

After what seemed to be hours, and it possibly was, Leo literally stumbled across a small stream, stumbled meaning he face planted in it. But he managed to ignore the pain in his nose from hitting a rock as he scooped up a handful of the water and brought it to his lips, it was fresh. A sigh of relief escaped his parched lips. He swallowed the mouthful and looked up at the sky, the clouds were pink and purple, red streams streaked across the sky. He had to find a place to sleep.

The darkness was almost swallowing, it surrounded hims and he covered his ear slits. The shouts of his brothers as they left haunted him to the fullest extent.

 _I said i quit!you quit all the time, what makes me different?_

 _Yeah? Well i'm sick of you acting like you have to tell us what to do all the time!_

 _I'm a failure…_

Donatello jerked upright, gasping for breath, he stared down at his trembling hands laying on top of his blanket. Why did his mind have to do this to him? He used to be glad it was always busy, always something to think about. But now that they were always on his mind...he almost hated himself for thinking of what may have happened to his brothers. Donatello got out of bed and walked to the dojo to find splinter deep in meditation, Donnie had never enjoyed meditation that much, finding it difficult to clear his mind, but now he wanted to clear it.

The purple masked turtle knelt next to his father silently, cast a worried glance at him, he seemed so old now. It was...terrifying to say the least. Donnie closed his eyes and concentrated on clearing his thoughts, for a moment it seemed to work, but then a landscape rolled out around him, trees, hundreds of trees, there was birdsong too, but that was not the only song he could hear.

"She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes…" a voice sang halfheartedly, Donnie sprinted towards it, weaving through the trees to find him.

"Mikey!" he shouted, "I'm coming!"

"She'll be- oh whatever, i don't even wanna sing." the singing stopped, replaced by footsteps on the crinkled leaves below, Donnie rounded a corner and saw his younger brother walking towards the west, why was he so far away?

"Mikey!"

"I wonder…" mikey muttered, "nah, it's fine." the orange masked turtle rubbed an improvised bandage that was on his face, "not infected." Donnie sprinted towards Mikey, he was so close, his brother was right there, but the ninja ran right through his brother and both their forms dissipated.

When the darkness faded from donatello's eyes he was on a cliff, staring down on a rocky valley, the side of the cliff was an anthill of holes, caves large enough to fit houses, and it wouldn't surprise him if tunnels connected them all. The rattling of stones startled him and he turned, nothing was there, and then a few rocks tumbled down the mountainside and the purple clad ninja jumped out of the way of the rockslide. His eyes widened when he saw a figure on top of a flat stone, riding the rockslide like a wave.

"This is legit!" Raph yelled, "i could never do this at ho-o-ah!" he fell from his perch and donnie gasped, he stared into the mess of rocks for some glimpse of his red masked brother, the rocks tumbled away and he spotted his brothers prostrate from, the turtle groaned and lifted himself onto his elbows. "Ow…"

"Raph!" donnie shouted, "can you hear me?" his brother did not respond. Raph clambered it his feet and winced, grabbing his arm.

"Stupid rocks." he mumbled, "wish i never left home." Donnie felt relief flood through him, maybe raph would come back! "But it's not like they'd want me if i stayed." the red masked turtle continued to himself, limping into the depths of a cave. Donatello raced after his brother, but as soon as he entered to cave he fell onto soft sand, as he took in his surroundings he saw he was on a beach. A small island by the looks of it, a freshwater stream gurgled nearby and seagulls cawed from above.

"Where-" the turtle stopped when he saw a figure crouched by the stream. The figure was obviously leo, but what was he doing? Then it struck donnie, his brother was meditating. "Leo!" the blue masked turtle lifted his head and glanced around, then resumed his meditation,

"Where are you," he muttered, "i know i can find you if i try."

"I'm right here leo!" Donnie shouted, running to his brothers side and waving his hand over leo's face, "i'm here, come home!" leo reached out and touched to surface of the water, he reached right through donnie to do so and donnie felt himself slip away. "No!"

"My son, are you alright?" Donnie blinked to find himself sitting in the dojo, Splinter looked concernedly at him. "I Did not hear you come in."

"I-i was just meditating sensei." Donnie replied, "It was..just a dream. I must've dozed off. I'm sorry."

"Do not apologise my son." splinter said, "you were not dreaming, you were visiting, i can see it in your eyes that you have seen your brothers, they are alive and well?"

"Hai." Donnie murmured, lowering his gaze,"they are fine father." he tried not to think of mike, injured and alone, or raph, nearly crushed,or leo, stranded in the ocean.

"That is good." splinter sighed, "thank you Donatello." Donnie looked up at his father and noticed again how old he seemed.

"Are you ok, father?" the turtle asked, Splinter sighed and his ears sagged, he seemed even older now.

"I...will be alright." he sighed, "i will live to see you and your brothers together again, i know." Donatello felt a thrill of fear, his father thought he would die soon?

"Do you want me to check your vitals?" he suggested, "so i can keep you healthy until...they return?" Splinter Hesitated, then shook his head.

"You must focus on finding them and bringing them home Donatello." he murmured, "nearly a year has passed and Michelangelo has not come home, they will need a push in the right direction."

"hai sensei." Donnie said regretfully, "father-"

"Yes my son."

"It's my fault Mikey left." the purple clad ninja choked out, "and no one even blamed me for it, leo and raph just fought, they fought each other." Splinter took the young ninja in his arms and squeezed him gently.

"Donatello." he murmured, "it is not your fault. Michelangelo needed to teach himself that he could make his own way, before returning to live with his brothers again." the rat sighed, "and Raphael...he will learn to control his temper, for i believe it is guilt that keeps him from returning, as for Leonardo…" Splinter pulled away and shrugged helplessly, "his greatest fear was to lose his team, his brothers, and he believed it had happened, he did not understand that the story i told him...was just a story."

"H-hai." Donnie sniffled, sitting back and wiping his eyes, "thank you father...but-"

"No buts Donatello." Splinter said sternly, "now you should get some sleep, come, i will make you a tea that brings you a dreamless sleep, your dreams are troubled still."

"Yes father." Donnie said softly, he got up and followed his father into the kitchen, feeling only a little better. He couldn't get the thought out of his mind...if he had just kept to himself like he usually did, his family would still be whole.

 _I've been thinking...one action can change an entire world, my world, Mikey's world, leo's world...Raph's world. And not just them, my father's world, we've all been effected, April and casey are at college, they know though, and i'm sure it changed their worlds. I wonder...what could i have done different so many times to change our world? What if i always managed to hack the kraang portals and computers on my first try? Would the first invasion even have happened? What if i hadn't fallen for April? She might have been used to conquer the earth..so many consequences for one small action. If only...if oly i could have noticed sooner what my actions might do. My family would still be whole. But it's not. I stuck my foot six inches to my left...and i broke our family. Mikey can outrun Raph, he's the fastest, but my foot caused our family to fall apart. My actions, my actions will be better from now on. I'll think even more about what i'm doing, and i'll build our family back up. For splinter, my father._

 ** _okey dokey! so this chapter is finished, i just wanted to assure you that leo was still alive and then go to the lair,m which you obviously have seen...so yeah! thanks for all the reviews of encouragement i got after posting the last one...about my writers block, it really made me feel like people actually care about this book, which is great! don't forget to R &R to this chapter!_**


	9. Forests

_**heeeeeelllllllllloooooooo everybody! sorry for the wait but i think i'm getting over my**_ _ **writers**_ _ **block!**_ _ **anyway**_ _ **...here's chapter eight of '**_ _ **loneliness**_ _ **' just so you know, about two years have passed since the last chapter. so...**_ _ **yeah**_ _ **! thanks for sticking with me and reviewing!**_

 _ **enjoy!**_

Mikey scanned the forested hills, he'd been here for years, at least three. He sometimes regretted leaving, but knew his brothers would fare better without him, three was the magic number. Jumping from his branch he collected a few more nuts, they weren't poisonous, he'd eaten them before, he thought. Popping one into his mouth he walked along the forested glade. Sunlight trickled through the trees, and he could hear hundreds of birds. Sighing contently he walked to his hut, it was simple, but it was home. Trying to ignore the sudden pang of longing for the lair, he dropped his nuts into the already full basket he'd woven. The small makeshift cot in the corner, and the rough table he'd made were the only furniture, unless you counted the stump he used to sit on.

"Hello house." he said, wondering if his voice had changed, it would have been gradual, so he didn't know. He walked to the small pool he'd purposefully built a corner of the house over and peered in. The scar raph had given him stood dark against his light green skin, a new one under his eye, from fur-face, was just as dark. He glanced at his right shoulder, he'd had the bandage on for a while, it was probably healed. Sitting on his log he gently started unwrapping it. It was a new scar, also dark green, which confused him. He always thought scars would be whiter...but maybe mutants were different. Donnie would know. Mikey was surprised at himself, he knew he could never go back. Right? Nodding and scolding himself mikey reminded himself that they probably hated him for being away so long. If he came back, who knows how they would react? Sighing, mikey glanced at the sky, it was almost noon, he was bored. He saw a glint from the grass outside and scowled, what was that? Mikey walked over and bent to see what it was, it was a glass fragment.

"What the?" Mikey said, picking it up in his hands, "how did this get here?" then he remembered, he'd thrown his t-phone into the woods about a year ago, then moved here a few months ago and built his hut. This could be part of it. He scanned the ground, and spotted another one a few feet away, just to give himself something to do, he went and picked it up. Mikey sighed.

"I wish I hadn't broken you." he murmured, but followed the trail of glass anyway, had some animal carried it around? As he was walking through a clearing, he felt a pain in his foot.

"Uh, ow." he said, lifting it, how had he not seen that? Mikey bent to scoop up the broken remains of the phone, and gasped. The screen flickered feebly. He ran to his hut and lay it on the table, sure, the screen was cracked and the back missing, but he had apparently not hurt the electronics too bad. He could see through the broken screen that someone had tried to call him. After three years? Dedicated family. Placing the glass fragments on the table as well he stretched. Life here was boring, and he'd been making plans to go to Louisiana, to see his frog friends, maybe he could stop by the lair, just to say hi. He shook his head, he might go through New York, but if his brothers saw him they'd make him stay.

Donnie sighed, and replaced the t phone on the desk, it was a long shot, how would their phones even work anymore? He got to his feet. Might as well do a patrol, solo of course.

"Sensei!" he called, "i'm going on patrol, I'll be back." sensei nodded to him.

"Stay safe Donatello." he murmured, "come home." donnie nodded, even though his father couldn't see him, and got into the shell raiser, it was pretty hard to operate, because there was only him. But he'd improved at driving. Donnie revved the engine, remembering how much leo loved to drive, where was his older brother now? He pulled up out of the subway and drove slowly around the corner, a flashing light alerted him to engine problems.

"Of course." he muttered, taking his foot off the gas, "what is it this time?" his question was answered by a spark. And then an explosion. Donatello was thrown a good fifty feet into a wall, it luckily didn't crash down on him, just cracked a bit. The shell raiser, on the other hand. Was irreparable. He couldn't even see half of it, getting to his feet, he winced, he'd knocked his shell loose, pulling it back into place, he reflected that sensei had said to stay safe, he didn't make it a mile, and he'd broken the shell raiser. _Good job donnie_. He said to himself, and how was he going to get this thing back into the sewers? Drag it? That seemed to be his only option, so he pulled out his grappling hook and wrapped it around the biggest un-fractured section of the vehicle he could find. Hoping that the ramp controller was still functional, Donatello climbed into the husk of a subway car once more, and told it to lift up. Hearing the grinding from the alley he sighed with relief.

"Ok, now just drag a two ton monstrosity down into the sewers, won't be too hard, right?" he asked himself sarcastically, and took up the difficult job that was left to him. When he got it into the sewers he dropped it dejectedly, he'd never get it to the lair on his own. It would never work again, so he should just leave it here. Unwrapping his grappling hook, he placed a hand on the remaining tire. "Sorry, i didn't mean to blow you up." he told it. Unsurprisingly, it didn't respond. Donatello turned and walked towards the lair. Three years had passed, yet he still couldn't function as a soloist. Had he really been so dependent on his brothers? Deciding not to answer that question, Donatello called to splinter.

"Sensei! I'm back! Already…" he said, and sighed. Splinter came out of the dojo.

"Donatello! Are you alright?" he asked, seeing his sons many bruises.

"Yeah, I'm ok." don said, "but the shell raiser blew up, i forgot to check the engine before i left." sensei raised an eyebrow.

"You will find other things to occupy your time." he murmured, "than dwelling on your brothers." Donatello looked up at his father, he had just gotten to his feet again, after leo to hurt, before he left, he hadn't been in the best of health.

"Yes sensei." don said, bowing his head, splinter patted his shoulder.

"Come." he said, "let us get you cleaned up."

Raphael stared at the faint light, coming from far away. This huge cavern place hadn't been too hard to locate, and then he found the forest of stone… huge stalactites and stalagmites had formed columns and looked like huge stone trees, there were about a hundred stone trees. An exit on the side of a mountain was only a few hundred yards away, and no humans ever came here. He sighed. The hundreds of scratches on the wall signified about, three years of him living here. So, that would be, over a thousand scratches. Wow. raph groaned, why did he even care how many there were? It's not like if he reached a certain amount he could go home, for all he knew, leo was dead because of him.

Raph grabbed his sai, the one he hadn't broken yet, and walked towards the light, he might as well find something to eat, other than the rodents in the cave. He never wanted to eat rat. When he stepped into the sun, he blinked rapidly, trying to get accustomed to the sudden change of light. Then he glanced around, there was a town about ten miles down the side of the mountain, and a cliff that kept them from discovering him. But that trek took two full days to get there and back, along with getting supplies. So raph only went to the town about once a month. He sighed. Why was he acting like a big softie today? He was moping around here like he was a lost puppy dog, but then again… his eyes wandered to the horizon, was he lost? Raph shook his head and grunted. He had promised himself he could never return, at least until… he stood stalk still. He had subconsciously made requirements? What was wrong with him? Until what? One of his brothers found him? Or tried to anyway. But they had no idea where he was, and how would he know if they wanted him? Raph sat dejectedly on a log, they definitely didn't want him.

Leo rubbed sand over the blade of his sword, making it shine. About two and a half years ago he'd woken up here, on this desert island. He'd planned to die, but this worked as well. He couldn't hurt his brothers in any way now. He stood up and gazed across the shining water, he had no idea where he was on the planet, but he was pretty sure he was on earth. Leo chuckled to himself. Of course he was on earth.

"I need to get some sleep." he said aloud, but did not make any movement towards the shade of the palm trees a few yards away. Instead he stared up at the sky blinking against the bright sunlight. He couldn't bear to sleep, he was only plagued by dreams of home, of his brothers that he'd never see again, heck, maybe was was actually dead, and this was his punishment. Leo chuckled. If he was lucky, which he definitely wasn't, that would be the case, but he was alive. Leo closed his eyes,

 _But what the eldest didn't know, was that the youngest brother wasn't dead. And neither did the eldest die. He lived in a strange land for the rest of his life. The youngest brother never recovered, but did not die until the eldest did. Where they met in the afterlife._

That was his ending to the story, Mikey and raph were fine, they went back home, and lived happily until leo died, and then Mikey finally left this miserable world as well. He sheathed his sword, in the old scabbard he'd had for years. He's have to find a replacement soon, or make one. A scabbard could only take so many patches before it became useless. Leo shook his head, he would never make a replacement. This and the sword in it were the last things he had from home, with the exception of his sun bleached mask. He reached up and rubbed the frayed mask tail between his fingers. If only… he thought longingly. But he could never return home.

 _ **so...it looks like Mikey's path might cross donnie's soon...or will it?**_


	10. The Lost and The Found

**_ok, really sorry about the wait, but here's the next chapter of 'loneliness' sorry if it sucks...i feel like it sucks...*shrugs* if it doesn't suck, enjoy, please review!_**

Mikey scanned the alley below, he was so close to home, but he was just passing through. That's when the pile of scrap metal caught his eye, and he jumped down. He knelt and looked at the scraps, his stomach churned. This was part of the shell raiser! Mikey got up and scanned the area, he was pretty close to the ramp donnie has somehow installed in a new York street. Had it exploded? Mikey ran out into the street, and he gasped, a huge black mark in the road showed him he was right. Mikey looked wildly around, there was no sign of the rest of the shell raiser, but was it possible it, and his brothers, had been incinerated?

"Don?" he called out tentatively, "raph? Leo?" no answer, that could only mean two things. They weren't around, or they were dead. Mikey looked around and grabbed a discarded newspaper, nothing about finding three dead humanoid turtles, that was good, but how long ago had this happened? This 'passing through' thing, ended right then and there, Mikey was at least going to check on his brothers, whether they saw him or not.

Donnie wrote in his journal.

 _ **I know i'll never see any of my brothers again now, but a part of me still wishes. I miss Mikey's laid back attitude, and how he's always happy. I miss leo's pep talks, heck, even his lectures. I even miss raph's sarcastic comments. Oh, I just wish they'd come home!.**_

He buried his head in his hands, why did he do this to himself? Why did he have to think of them? And then the impossible happened.

"Guys!" shrieked a somewhat familiar voice, "Raph! Leo! Don!" Donnie whipped around, was that Mikey? He shook his head. He must be dreaming. But then he ran into the lab. Mikey's face lit up. "Donnie!" Donnie stared at Mikey, he had the scar from raph, along with one under his left eye and on his right arm. His blue eyes looked different, no longer sparkling and happy. But crushed, destroyed. almost, shattered.

"Am, am I dreaming?" donnie asked numbly, Mikey stared at him. Donnie got up, he walked like he was in a dream.

"Uh, are you ok?" Mikey asked, shrinking back, donnie reached out, if he could touch his younger brother's face, he knew this was real. His hand brushed Mikey's face,and donnie's eyes widened.

"Mikey." he said.

"Uh, you're freaking me out," Mikey said, and Donnie pulled him into a hug, "bro." Donnie felt tears running down his face, and let them fall onto his brother's shoulder as he pulled Mikey close to him.

"You came home." he whispered, "you came home." Mikey let donnie hug him for a moment, and then pulled away.

"I was just passing through." he said, "on my way to Louisiana, and I saw that the shell raiser blew up." donnie chuckled.

"I'm a bad driver." he said, "oh Mikey, i missed you." Mikey looked away.

"Are leo and raph ok?" he asked, and donnie's heart plummeted, in his mind, he'd invented a reality that his brothers, wherever they were, had found each other, or that one returning would magically bring the other two home.

"I don't know." he whispered, "they left, three years ago, Raph first, then Leo." Mikey's face registered only shock.

"Left?" he choked out, "you've been alone?"

"I have sensei." donnie said halfheartedly, and then he felt his face light up. "Mikey! He'll be so glad to see you! Let's go see him!" he grabbed his brother's hand and pulled him up. "Will you," he took a breath, "will you stay Mikey?" Mikey hesitated, looking like he was about to refuse, but then he smiled, a smile that did not reach his gray/blue eyes.

"I'll stay donnie." he whispered, "i'll stay."

Mikey followed Don into the dojo, his mind reeling. He'd just said the words he'd promised himself he wouldn't say, but the sight of donnie, tears falling from his cheeks, pulling him into a hug, had changed his mind. As he walked through the lair, he noticed for the first time how quiet it was. It was like something was missing, and those missing things were Leo and Raph.

"So," he said, suddenly unsure of himself, "did you get hurt when it blew?" he glanced at the bandages on his brother's arm, but donnie grinned at him like he was insane, which he might be at this point.

"Sensei patched me up," he said, and called into their father's room, "Sensei, look what I found." he pulled the doors open and Mikey half smiled.

"Hello, father." he said, and could see splinter's eyes widen.

"Michelangelo, My son." he gasped, "come." Mikey walked to his father's bedside.

"Are you ok?" he asked, his father didn't look very good.

"I will be alright now." splinter said, closing his eyes. "You will help Donatello find your other brothers."

"Father…" Mikey hesitated, "i…"

"You do not need to apologize." splinter interrupted, "you came home. That is what matters."

"Right." Mikey said, "of course...father." donnie hugged Mikey again, Mikey didn't have the heart to wipe his brothers tears off his shoulder. Suddenly, donnie pulled back, eyes gleaming with happiness.

"Mikey, we cleaned your room for you!" he exclaimed, "me and raph and leo, we cleaned it and i cleaned theirs too, i've made sure all your things stay nice...ice cream kitty's gonna be so glad too!"

"Ice cream…" Mikey hesitated, "i forgot about her." for a split second, donnie's eyes were shocked, then he seemed to shrug past it.

"Come on, splinter needs his sleep anyway." Donnie said, gesturing to his father, who was asleep once more.

"Oh, right." Mikey replied, following his brother out, "donnie…" donnie looked at him.

"I'm sorry i left…"

"It's ok." donnie replied softly, "it wasn't...it wasn't your fault."

"Yeah…" Mikey said defensively, "it is! I let my anger get the better of me...for once, and i left for three years don, three years." donnie turned away.

"Let's go see your room first." he suggested, "then you can see ice cream kitty." Mikey narrowed his eyes, but followed his brother , huh, brother, was he still a brother, after all this? Well, he followed his brother to his room and felt his jaw drop, every action figure was where he'd kept it on the shelf, his comic books were stacked neatly and his bed was made, donnie hadn't been kidding.

"Whoa…" he muttered, "you really deep cleaned this place don." donnie nodded absently, looking at Mikey again, filled with joy.

"Yeah! Leo and raph helped though…" he trailed off, " ice cream kitty's gonna be so happy! Let's go!" donnie grabbed Mikey's arm and Mikey let himself be taken to the kitchen, the purple masked turtle swung open the freezer and ice cream kitty looked around, her tiny chocolate eyes widened and she meowed happily, Mikey felt his heart begin to melt at the sight of his best friend,

"Hey ice cream kitty!" he cooed, "how ya been?" ice cream kitty flicked a drop if herself onto his nose and he smiled, licking it off. "I missed you." he murmured, "i missed all of you."

 ** _dawwww! well, this was a b-team chapter, the next chapter i promise to focus on A team, or what's left of it. *tear_** ** _trickles_** ** _down cheek* anyway...thanks and don't forget to review!_**


	11. You Weren't Kidding

_**heeey people's! so, i finally cranked out one more chapter of loneliness, it's a little longer than the others, so yeah. this one is a fearless leader chapter, well mostly just fearless cuz he isn't doing much leading right now, the next one will probably be about Leo too, just to hold y'all in suspense about the others, hehe. anyway, thanks for all the amazing reviews and thanks for sticking with me!**_

Leo scanned the horizon from his perch in the tree, nothing, just blue ocean as far as he can see, this is weird, being so...alone. He'd been alone for years, he knew, it just still boggled his mind that places could be so remote. Of course, he had grown up in New York city, there were probably a lot of remote places like this left, he had just never seen them. With a sigh the turtle in a blue bandanna jumped down to the sand, landing softly. He grabbed his katana and started in a kata, just because he had exiled himself didn't mean he had to become a horrible ninja...after a few moments he shook his head, disgusted. What had he been thinking? He had left Donnie and Splinter completely alone in New York, without even looking for Raphael, his heart plummeted. Raph, why had they always argued?

That was the cause of all this. Mikey had left because Leo practically called him useless to his face, Leo wasn't an idiot. He'd had three years to think about what he'd done, that's a pretty big 'time out'. But he couldn't go home. It was also his fault Raph left, because if Leo had just been the peacemaker he was supposed to be, he wouldn't have yelled at his brother, provoking him into attacking. And that's why he had left, and now it was his fault Donatello was alone. Leo snorted in disgust at himself and threw his katana down on the sand. He was such an idiot!

With a sigh Leo retrieved his katana and sheathed it before walking up the slope to a higher vantage point, maybe something was out there, and he just hadn't seen it yet. Why did he even want to look for anything? He could never go home, he knew that, right? Leo shook his head and started to climb another palm tree, it was actually pretty easy, but that might be because of his ninja training. He scanned the horizon once more...but this time he saw a small dot. It appeared to be a ship of some kind, Leo hoped they didn't come near enough to his island to see any trace of him, or they might come close on purpose. The blue clad turtle jumped out of his tree and sat down, taking his katana out to sharpen it.

When Leonardo awoke the next day he frowned, in his small hut in the center of the island, he should be far away from any passing ships, so why did he hear voices?

"Owowow it hurts!" Leo scowled, it sounded like a young person.

"I know, i know, but you're going to be OK." that one was older, a mother most likely. Leo got to his feet and went into ninja mode, following the voices, when he got to the edge of the trees his eyes widened. It looked like a lifeboat had been shipwrecked on the sand, a family of three, probably a family Leo assumed, because they all had a resemblance. There was an older man, the mother, and the child, who was holding her elbow. As Leonardo peered across the waves he saw many other lifeboats floating, none were near enough the island to help their shipwreck-mates and might not have seen them. Leo wondered how these three ended up here, the currents pulled a certain way by the island, keeping most things from washing up, the exception being Leo, and these humans.

"Clair…" the man said, peering into the bushes, "do you see something?" Leo cursed himself and hid deeper in the shadows, these must be people from the ship he spotted yesterday, during the night they had gotten wrecked.

"What?" the woman asked, standing next to him, "What is it?"

"I don't know." he said, i wonder if it's another human." Leo felt a spark of inspiration.

"Well, call to it then," Clair said, "don't be rude Jack!"

"Sorry." the man, jack, answered before raising his raspy voice. "Hello? Anyone there?" Leo took a breath before answering.

"Hello."

"It is a human!" Claire gasped, "who are you?" she called.

"Call me Leo." Leo replied, "you're probably all thirsty, there is a small river around the bend of the island to your right."

"Where are you?" Jack asked as the child walked over, all thoughts of her injured arm forgotten, "can't you show yourself?"

"No, i can't." leo said, "i'm sorry, but i don't look...normal."

"nonsense!"Claire exclaimed, "we're not prejudiced!"

"I promise you won't like me if you saw me!" Leo insisted, "but none of you speak again until you get a drink! You're parched and probably have heatstroke." Jack sighed.

"Alright, thank you Leo, come Jane." they took the child, Jane, and Leo sighed in relief before quickly scaling a tree, he took his katana and sliced down a few coconuts, he'd lived off these for three years, they would be fine if they ate them. Once sure the humans couldn't see him, he ran to their makeshift camp and set the coconuts down before leaving back into the trees. A few moments later, the humans returned.

"Well i'll be." jack said, "it looks like this boy Leo is kind."

"He is just a boy isn't he." Claire marveled, "such a young voice." Leo frowned.

"I'm turning twenty three soon." he calculated quickly, surprising them, "sorry i'm sticking around, i don't get much company these days."

"It's no problem at all." Claire said, "you don't happen to know first aid do you? Jane seems to have hurt herself in the wreck and i'm no doctor."

"I know first aid." Leo agreed, "what does it look like?" Claire described the arm, it sounded like a small fracture. "You will need to find two straight pieces of wood and as many cloths or bandannas as you can find." he suggested, splint it so she can't injure herself more, and then make a sling."

"Oh, thank you." Jack said, digging through their lifeboat, "you seem to know a lot Leo, are you a doctor?"

"No." Leo replied, getting comfortable on the ground where he could see them. "I don't have any career."

"How did you get here?" Jane asked suddenly "you weren't on our boat." the two adults seemed to realize this as well and frowned, looking at each other.

"I've lived here for a while." Leo said truthfully, "It doesn't matter though, i'm fine."

"You've lived here alone?" Claire said in surprise, "why, Leo that's horrible, being alone all the time." Leo frowned.

"It's fine, really, i live being alone, it helps me think."

"Come out here boy, let me look at you." Jack said softly, walking towards Leo.

"No." leo replied shortly, "i know what you're reaction will be and i don't feel like getting called a freak thank you very much."

"Are you deformed?" Claire asked, "why would we call you a freak?"

"Because, in a way, i am a freak." Leo replied softly, "i'm a mutant."

"A what?" Jack asked, "i don't know what you mean by that, we've always enjoyed helping those who feel inadequate, come out Leo." Leo sighed.

"Would you believe me if i said i'm a giant walking talking turtle?" he asked, peering at them through the bushes, "i'm a freak i promise you."

"A turtle." Jane said, "i like turtles, please come out." Leo frowned, thinking, he could, they'd get rescued and no one would believe them when they told people they saw him, he sighed in defeat.

"Alright, but don't scream too loudly," he decided. With that the turtle stood and walked slowly out so they could just see his outline, then hesitated before stepping out of the treeline. The three humans stared at him.

"You weren't kidding." Jack said finally, "you are a turtle."

 _ **so...what do you think? i**_ _ **literally**_ _ **just got this idea today and cranked out the chapter, what do you think will**_ _ **happen**_ _ **? any guesses on what Raph**_ _ **has**_ _ **been up to? please review and sorry if the next**_ _ **chapter**_ _ **takes a while!**_


	12. To Answer That

_**I'm back! as promised, here's another chapter about our fearless leader! as not promised, the next one is not about my favorite red masked terrapin, but soon i promise! anyway, this picks up right where the last one left off. enjoy!**_

Once the three humans got over the fact that Leo was a turtle, he found himself peppered by curious questions.

"How did you get like this?" Jack asked in astonishment,

"Can i touch your shell?" seven year old jane begged eagerly.

"How long have you lived here?" Claire wondered, Leo smiled.

"To answer that," he said, "is a very long story, but i've lived here for about three years." then he frowned, peering across the water. "We should focus on getting you home though, this is no place for a family."

"I suppose you're right." Jack agreed, "you don't happen to know how to start a fire do you? Smoke signals or something." Leo laughed.

"For smoke signals, you want a smoldering patch of grass or leaves, they can't be dry or they'll just burn, only use wood to cook things."

"Where did you learn all this?" Clare asked as her husband and daughter went to find leaves. Leo smiled.

"My father taught me and my brothers about wilderness survival…" his voice trailed off, two of his brothers were probably using their learned skills as he spoke.

"You have brothers?" she asked in surprise, "are they...like you?"

"Yeah." Leo shrugged, "we're all mutants, turtle ones, my father was a large rat." he laughed at the look on claire's face. "He was a human first, it's a really long story, but yeah there's me, then Donnie, Raph, and Mikey." he sighed, "i haven't seen them for three years."

"Oh!" Claire said, almost relieved, "i thought you were going to say they were here with you!"

"No, i'm alone." Leo shook his head, "it's mostly my fault anyway."

"Leo leo leo!" Jane called, running up,"look how many leaves i can carry on one arm!" Leo smiled and accepted the leaves, kneeling to start the signals.

"Good job." he congratulated her, "where's your father?"

"He's getting more, he'll be here soon." Jane answered with surety, "mom! We saw a real palm tree, with coconuts in it!"

"Ooh, amazing!" Claire said, entertaining her daughter's excitement even though a palm tree with coconuts in it was within sight of their wreck. She looked up at Leo. "are there any animals here?" she asked anxiously, Leo shook his head.

"No, except bugs and birds, and me, no animals." Leo narrowed his eyes in concentration as he rubbed the two stick together, he glanced at Claire. "Can you look through the stuff in your lifeboat? You might have a lighter or a set of flint and steel."

"Oh! Of course!" she said, kneeling beside it, "i'm sorry i was just thinking about you."

"It'd be hard not to." Leo observed, "pretty much we got exposed to a chemical and turned into this." he shook his head, watching Jane run along the ocean, "your daughter reminds me of Mikey in some ways."

"Tell me about them." Claire suggested, locating a 72 hour kit and opening it, "it will give you something to do, and you've been alone for some time."

"Alright." Leo said, surprising himself, "well, i am, was, i am the oldest," he shook his head, "well, we're all the same age but i act like the oldest, i was my brother's leader, we're ninjas, we protect New York and the world pretty much."

"You live in new york?" she asked in surprise, "i haven't seen you."

"Well, we live in the shadows, if most humans saw us we'd probably be dissected on sight." he shrugged, "anyway, after me, there's Raph, who likes to think of himself as the second oldest,'" leo sighed, "i haven't seen him for over three years actually, you see, Mikey is the youngest, or most immature, and one day, I kinda made him feel like we didn't care about him." he closed his eyes for a moment, "and then Raph hurt him, and he ran away, we never saw him again." Clare gasped, putting a hand to her mouth, having abandoned her search for flint and steel, leo glanced up. "Can i use that lighter?"

"Oh, yes." Claire handed it to him.

"And then, three months after Mikey left us, Raph and i got into a big fight about it, Donnie, he's the third brother i guess, he tried to get us to stop, but i goaded Raph into getting too angry." Leo felt the scar on his arm and sighed, "he attacked me and knocked me out, and then left. I don't know if he was so guilty or what, but he never came back either, i...we didn't look for him." Leo stopped what he was doing and lowered his head in shame, "i just let him leave." Claire was silent, Jack had rejoined them and was listening. "I failed my brothers." he concluded, "and i can't be there if i failed them, they're probably all back home by now." he shrugged, "Donnie stayed with master splinter guess, i haven't heard from them since i left." Leo clicked the lighter and lit a palm leaf, it started smoldering and he blew softly on it to make the flame grow.

"Can i give you a suggestion?" Jack asked, Leo looked up in surprise.

"About what?"

"Your brothers." Jack replied, sitting in the sand next to Leo. "it sounds like you left because you felt like you failed them, right?"

"Yes." leo said, then frowned at the look on his face, "listen, i hurt mikey, Raph, and Donnie, my father, i hurt them with my careless actions, and so i left so iwouldn't hurt them anymore." he sat back as the leaf caught and piled a few more on, a steady stream of smoke went up into the sky. "Just feed this more leaves as they burn, but don't put out the fire, any rescue ships should come if they see it, and…" he stood, "please don't tell anyone about me." Jane rushed up to him, here eyes wide.

"You're leaving?" she asked, "but i wanted to touch your shell!" Leo smiled and crouched so she could reach his shell, she ran her fingers along the different plates and smiled.

"It looks like a cage Leo."

"Huh." Leo looked at her.

"Yeah, you're trapped in the cage."

"Jane!" Claire was mortified, "be nice!"

"It's true mommy, he's trapped in the cage, he wants to be in the cage, but he's trapped." Leo looked at the girl carefully now, she was not looking at his shell anymore, just up at him. "He's going away from us to stay in the cage, bye leo." Leo stood and Jane ran at a flock of seagulls, her parents came up to Leo.

"I'm sorry leo," Jack said, "she's always been different, she has trouble making friends because of it, she says things like that all the time and it tends to scare people." Leo regarded the small figure dancing on the beach.

"Don't try to dampen her." he suggested, "she seems very much to be tuned to people's emotions, like a whole lot of empathy, she can tell when people shut themselves out."

"Is that what you're doing?" Claire asked, "shutting yourself out?" Leo shook his head, walking back away.

"Watch for ships." he said, "get home safely."

"You could come home with us!" she called after him, "to New York." Leo stopped and stiffened.

"No."

"Are you sure?" Claire asked, Jack shushed her.

"Be polite, he doesn't want to be seen by humans and he obviously doesn't want to go home."

"You could see them again leo!" Leo turned.

"I'm sorry, but i can't." he said softly before walking away into the shade of the trees.

Leo watched the family of three board the boat that had been rowed ashore, they'd be fine, but then he saw a familiar face in the boat, one of the rescuers, Casey? Casey Jones? Last he had heard Casey and April went to europe, had they been on the same ship? Or on the ship that rescued the others? Leo saw Casey scanning the island and stepped forward a bit, barely visible, Casey didn't see him. The boat started back towards the ship that was moored beyond the sandbar, Leo frowned when he saw April there as well, and then Jack leaned forward, looking at Leo, before turning to the two other new yorkers and whispering something. Leo shook his head, no, he wouldn't.

Casey Jones never planned on getting shipwrecked, or rescued, but he was, and then when a smoke pillar wafted up from the island he volunteered to go help get the people off, there was three of them, a family. The young one seemed to have a broken arm, well splinted. Neither of her parents knew anything about first aid, he could tell by the way they talked about it. So, who had helped them? He scanned the island for more life, but didn't see any until the man he had rescued leaned forward, eyes trained inside the treeline.

"You two from New York?" he asked, barely audible, Casey and April were surprised, but nodded.

"Yes sir, why?"

"Ever meet someone named Leo?" his wife glared at him sharply but Jack ignored it, "because he seems to know you two." he nodded to the Island and Casey whipped around, leo? Leo was missing! How would he have gotten to the middle of the ocean? But there he was, April gasped, a hand to her mouth, Leo was standing just barely visible under the trees. When he saw them look at him he raised a hand in farewell before turning away and leaving, Casey stared after him, uncomprehending, and then a wave rose and blocked the small island from sight.

 _ **ooooooh, what happens next, you ask? well, you will never know! haha jk it's in the next chapter. anyway, thanks for reading and sticking with me, please please please review and thanks again!**_


	13. shattered faith

_**here's the new chapter of Loneliness! sorry for the wait, i went on a vacation with my family. anyway, this is a b-team and others chapter, just no Leo or Raph. hehehehe well, they do talk about Leo...but that doesn't count. enjoy!**_

Mikey yawned, rubbing his eyes and blinking. What had awoken him? Then the phone rang again. Mikey glanced around, Donatello was still asleep on the other couch, he had insisted they stay up late talking, and Mikey couldn't help but feel sorry for his older brother. He had been more or less alone for three years, and it seemed to have taken it's toll. With a sigh Mikey grabbed the phone and answered it, holding back another yawn.

"Hello?" he murmured, then realizing it was odd. No one really had the ability to accidentally call them, so whoever this was probably knew them. So, they'd be shocked to hear his voice.

"Who is this?" Casey asked accusingly, "Donnie, is that you?" Mikey smiled, he'd forgotten his voice had changed so much.

"Nope, guess again." he said, making his voice gravelly.

"You changed your voice." Casey said, "seriously, oh, is slash over there? Are you slash?"

"Nope, one more chance before the world explodes." Mikey said, rolling his eyes at his own annoyingness. He still has it.

"Wait...i know this voice." Casey said in annoyance. "I know it, come on come on...is Donnie near you?"

"Yeah."

"April come here, who's voice is this?" Mikey could just see April rolling her eyes as she accepted the phone.

"Hello?" she sighed, Mikey spoke normally again.

"Hey April!" he exclaimed, his voice wasn't the same as it was three years ago, but it couldn't be that drastic of a change. Sure enough, April was smarter than casey.

"Mikey?" she gasped in disbelief, "Michelangelo! You...if you have Donnie's phone that means…"

"That i teleported and stole it." he interrupted, April burst out laughing.

"Mikey, you came home! Oh my gosh, we'll be right over! How's Donnie? We'll be there in less than ten minutes ok? See you soon!" she hung up and mikey looked at the phone. Well, that was unexpected. He groaned and got up, crossing the pit to Donnie.

"Hey dee." he shook his brother awake, "April and Casey are gonna come over in-"

"They're back from europe?!" Donnie yelped, jerking upright, "wait...Mikey how do you even know this?"

"They called." Mikey shrugged, "and when i answered April bugged out and got excited, they're gonna come over soon."

"They're back!" Donnie said again, getting up, "yes! Ok, wait, what time is it anyway?" Mikey shrugged, glancing at the clock.

"Eight." he said, "And they were like, really pumped so they'll be here in less than ten minutes."

"Alright, thanks mikey." Donnie said, stretching. He grinned like a crazy person at Mikey, who smiled back. The orange masked turtle knew he'd changed a lot, and Donnie had too. The thing was, Mikey wasn't quite sure if Donnie realized he was different. "I'll go start the coffee." Mikey watched his brother leave and sighed, part of him was a little freaked out that Donnie was acting like a mad man, and a part of him felt horribly weighed down with guilt. If Mikey hadn't left Donnie wouldn't have had to be alone all this time. The blue eyed turtle shrugged and started toward the kitchen after his brother, and was blindsided by a flying hug.

"It's you!" April squealed, hugging him tightly. She released him and put her hands on his shoulders, looking at him with a smile. "Look how tall you got!" she sighed, "three years, can you believe it?"

"Hi april." Mikey said, "Donnie is making coffee. I'll get him." then he tilted his head back. "DONNIE! BE POLITE AND GREET OUR GUESTS!" he hollered before looking at april again. "So, Donnie said you went to Europe?" he asked, suddenly finding himself in a noogie.

"Hey Mikestar! I missed you, buddy!" Casey laughed, releasing him. Mikey smiled.

"Hey Casey." he saluted jokingly.

"Hi!" Donnie said, running out, "April, Casey! I missed you!" they exchanged glances.

"Uh, hi Donnie." April smiled. "You seem...energetic. Did you get your coffee?" Donnie glanced at the kitchen doorway.

"Huh? No, it's still heating up." he said, "Mikey's back!" he threw an arm around Mikey's shoulders, Mikey returned his brothers embrace for a moment and then turned to the humans again.

"So, Europe? Sounds fun." he said as they started toward the kitchen.

"Oh, oh yeah! It was pretty cool, even if it was for school." Casey yawned, "should be relaxing, but nope." Mikey grinned, shaking his head.

"Anything for school is work." he advised his friend. April sighed.

"It _was_ relaxing!" she exclaimed, "Casey just didn't like the food!" Casey shrugged and didn't deny it. Donnie poured himself a mug of coffee and April leaned to Mikey.

"Also, is Donnie ok? He seems...weird." Mikey shrugged and took out a box of toaster waffles.

"Want waffles?" he asked, "we can talk while i toast."

"Alright." April agreed, sitting across from Donnie, who was talking to himself.

"Maybe if it was a different kind of metal." he murmured, "then it would conduct electricity better?" April and casey looked at each other.

"I just got back yesterday morning." Mikey explained, "Donnie isn't used to having people around yet…" Donnie jerked his head up.

"Huh? Oh! Sorry guys i was zonking out for a minute." he blushed "so, April, did you fly to Europe or go by boat?"

"By boat, actually." April said, taking a sip of her own coffee. "We wanted to talk to you about something."

"Maybe we should wait until after breakfast." Casey observed, looking at Donnie, who was grinning like he was insane at mikey, who shrugged.

After breakfast, Donatello seemed to have mellowed out and they all sat in the pit in the lair. They chatted and then Donnie looked at April.

"You said you wanted to talk about something to do with boats." he reminded her, April nodded. She glanced at Casey before speaking.

"On our return trip, the boat malfunctioned and sank." she said, Mikey's eyes grew wide.

"What?! Are you ok?" Donnie yelped, jumping to his feet.

"Obviously." April said, "we got in a lifeboat and everything and in a few hours another boat came and picked us up." Don sat back down, though he still looked concerned.

"So, what happened then?" he asked curiously, Mikey glanced at him in concern, Donnie was acting more like the old Donnie since April mentioned boats, what's with that?

"Well, the boats were still looking for any more lifeboats when they saw smoke from somewhere. None of the ship's knew about any island, and when we finally did see it it was obviously a very small one, but it had freshwater and everything."

"Ok…" Donnie said slowly, Mikey frowned deeper.

"Well, casey and i volunteered to go on a boat to help them and we did. It was a family, a little girl and her parents."

"Ok." Mikey echoed his brother.

"We all thought it was strange." Casey picked up, "because the girl broke her arm and it was in a very well done splint, and the parents weren't trained in emergency medical care. They acted really vague about how they managed to do it." Donnie stood slowly, they all exchanged glances.

"No, go on." Donnie murmured, "i think i know where this is going."

"Ok," Casey said, "i noticed the father was looking back at the island, and i couldn't see anyone there. And then he asked me…" Casey hesitated, "he asked if i knew someone named leo, because he seemed to know me." Mikey's head jerked up. "Sure enough, when i looked back at the island i could see leo there, he waved and then walked away into the trees." Casey shrugged. "I couldn't really tell the boat people to turn around because my giant turtle friend was there."

"He's in the middle of the ocean?" Donnie asked in disbelief.

"Yeah." April said, "the people said he heard them talking and helped them, though he didn't want them to see him at first."

"That makes sense." Mikey said, they all looked at him. "When i was travelling i would fix fences before people's pets escaped, weed people's gardens, i once pulled a car out of a ditch and dialed nine one one after someone crashed and was unconscious on a rural road. I wanted to help people without being seen."

"Cool." Casey said, Donnie glared at him.

"This isn't cool!" he shouted, "Leo's in the middle of the ocean for crying out loud! I don't even know how he got there, or how I'm supposed to go help him! What am i supposed to do?!"

"You'll think of something." Mikey said comfortingly, "you're smart." Donnie sat and slumped down dejectedly.

"But I'm half the reason he's on that island." he said miserably, "why would he want to see me ever again?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Casey asked, "you're not the reason he left." Donnie shot to his feet, an angry light in his eyes.

"Oh yeah?" he hissed, "it's my fault all of this happened!" he pointed a finger at Mikey, who held out a hand to his distressed brother. "Mikey only left because i tripped him and let Raph tackle him, which led to Leo making him leave!" Donnie exclaimed, "and Raphael only left because Leo blamed him for it and he blamed leo for it and then he hurt leo.." Mikey frowned, Donnie hadn't told him why his brothers left yet, and it obviously bothered him. "And then Leo thought he was a failure because he thought it was his fault that everything fell apart when it was really my fault." the purple masked turtle turned away, putting his head in his hands. "He must have jumped into the ocean like the man in Sensei's story three years ago, he probably tried to kill himself!" Mikey put a hand on his brother's shoulder, not knowing what to say. But Donatello whirled on him, Mikey backed up and Donnie pointed a finger at each of them. "He tried to kill himself because of me! Why would he want to see me again?" with that the genius turtle turned and ran into his lab, locking the metal doors behind himself. Mikey watched him go sadly and turned to April and Casey.

"I think you should go." he murmured, "i need to talk to my brother and father."

 _ **so, the bad news is Donnie isn't doing so well in this chapter. the good news is that next chapter is Raph! yay! not that i have favorites, but he's my favorite. anyway, thanks for reading and please review!**_


	14. Never To Return

_**okey dokey! here's the next chapter to Loneliness! as promised, this is an almost completely Raphael chapter, with just a little bit of Leo later on. sorry all my chapters are so short :/ i try to make them the same length and they started out short, i think the next one is longer though! enjoy and please please review!**_

Raph sighed, he had decided to look for Mikey after a few years of living in exile...he had started somewhere in the rocky mountains, he learned that from some random billboard. The red masked turtle had just gotten sick of living in caves, even the farmhouse had been better than that, the only problem was Raph knew the Rocky Mountains were in the west, the farmhouse and New York were in the east, so he had to cross the country again. It would be worth it, though, once he found his brother and made things right. Raph frowned, stopping for a moment, what if Mikey hated him? What if he was- no. Raph wouldn't allow himself to think like that, he would apologize to Mikey, and then what? He couldn't go face Leo again, and not Donnie either. The only reason he thought he could face Mikey was the special bond he'd had with his younger brother since they were little.

Raph frowned, looking around, he was currently somewhere between Colorado and New York, he had located a nearly deserted highway to travel next to, with only the occasional vehicle to let him know it was still in use. He had passed a sign a few days ago that told him he was in Wisconsin, making Raphael think he was a little too far north. The red masked turtle started walking again, glancing at the sky to make sure he was going east instead of north, he was an idiot and he knew it. If he wasn't an idiot he wouldn't have led to the destruction of his family. Raph sighed as he walked, this really was all his fault, but if he knew his brothers they'd all be blaming themselves right about now, except maybe Mikey.

Without thinking, Raph began to whistle. He was walking and bored, so he might as well do something. Not that whistling was completely fun and entertaining, but hey, when in the last three years had that been true about his life? If you didn't count surfing on rockslides. The red masked turtle took out his sai and stared at it. He had let it grow dulls and slightly rusted since he left, and he'd lost the other one when he fell off the top of a train into the Mississippi river. Well, it was more a jump because he was bored, but it wasn't his fault the impact made his sai get lost. With a sigh he tucked it back into his worn belt and scanned the road for any signs telling him where he was. Finally, he spotted one. It said something like Milwaukee, and Lake Michigan. Was he really near the great lakes already? He wasn't a geography geek or anything, but he knew that meant he had almost crossed Wisconsin. The sign said the lake was a hundred miles along the road he was on, and Raphael was sure he'd get there today, mostly because he spotted a large semi-truck. The red masked turtle took a running jump off the edge of the road, which was higher than the road, and landed softly on the top of the vehicle. Raph settled down to wait, laying flat and gripping the metal so he didn't go flying off, and kept watch for any more signs.

Raphael found himself waking up as the truck came to a halt, and he crouched to look around. The truck was in an abandoned looking warehouse garage, and Raphael felt a chill go down his shell. The door to the cab opened and he crept to the edge, jaw dropping. Kraang? Here? Impossible! The driver then walked around the truck and opened the back, Raph glanced out a window of the warehouse to see a bustling city. The date on the billboard told him he had slept through the night, and that he was in Chicago. He was more concerned about this kraang droid, was it alone? The answer came immediately. Nope. as Raph watched in horror, a small army of Kraang droids climbed out of the truck.

"This is the place that will do nicely for the rebuilding of the rebuilt plan of the kraang invasion." one stated in the broken speech of the kraang.

"Agreed, Kraang." another said, "it is far from the place called New York and the ones called the turtles." Raph gripped his sai, it may be dull but blunt force was one of the best forces. He grinned at his own joke and launched himself off the top of the truck, impaling two kraang with the one sai. It took them by surprise and he yelled in triumph, swinging around to stab a few more. And...this is where another sai would come in handy. Maybe he'd be able to find a weapons depot in this city. Sure, he could never replace the sai his father had given him when he turned twelve, but he needed a weapon. In his distraction, a Kraang had loaded and aimed his phaser. Raph's eyes widened when he spotted him pull the trigger, and he rolled away, landing a few feet away from the scorched mark on the ground.

Apparently, doing a few katas every day didn't help your reflexes, he made a mental note to find something fun to do that would. In moments, Raphael had smashed every kraang bot into the ground, and sent the brainy toy surprise scuttling away in terror. He stood back in satisfaction before walking to the truck and peering inside, his jaw dropped. Hundreds of canisters of mutagen had somehow been inside with the many kraang droids. That would have been really bad. for the first time since he'd left, Raphael wondered if it had been a good thing. He quickly dismissed that thought however, nothing would be better if he'd just never killed his brother. The red masked turtle froze, that was the first time he'd acted sure that his brother was dead, was he? It seemed impossible to him that Leo would survive, especially with Don in the state he'd been in. Raph and Leo had pretended not to notice the growing paranoia their brainy little brother was showing. Remembering that from years ago just added weight to the guilt on Raphael's shoulders.

Now there was the question of what to do with all this mutagen, Raph inspected the canisters. Returning to New York was out of the question, and besides, how could he be sure his family hadn't regrouped without him and hated his guts? Raph sighed, looking at his hands.

"This sucks." he uttered aloud, jumping. Was that his voice? He hadn't heard it in days, even weeks, in fact, when was the last time he'd spoken actual words aloud? He honestly couldn't remember. "Kraang in Chicago." yes, that was definitely him, so why did his own voice surprise him? He sounded...like Slash. Low and gravelly, like he hadn't had any water for weeks, come to think of it, Raph realized, he hadn't had something to drink for a few days. This discovery made him concerned, because he couldn't remember when he last ate, his muscles were smaller than usual, and he was thin. With a groan Raph slapped his forehead. Why did he have to be such an idiot? Without his brothers reminding him to do things, and with him travelling everywhere, he hadn't remembered to do the basic things to take care of himself. He leaned against the wall of the truck and frowned. He could leave this here, lock it up, and go find some food. Then he could come back and figure out what to do with the ooze. Nodding in agreement with himself Raphael pulled the back of the truck down and latched it before slipping into the shadows and out of the building.

Leonardo scowled, face screwing up in concentration. The kraang had left earth, why had he been seeing images like this? And why was Raphael of all people in his meditative dream? unless...Leo's eyes snapped open. Unless the kraang were back somewhere, and Raphael had found them. The idea seemed ridiculous, even impossible, but was it right? If so, Raph was in danger, and he hadn't gone home yet. The place he'd seen wasn't New York, it was Chicago, but what was Leo supposed to do? He was in self induced exile until he died, and he couldn't very well go back now.

But, Casey had seen him. And if Casey was still Casey he'd tell Donnie, and if Donnie was still Donnie… Leo hesitated. His younger brother had been terrified of being abandoned, Leo's heard him cry out in his sleep after Raph left. And he had cursed his brother to a life alone, unless their brothers came back. And if Raph hadn't...what of Mikey? Leo had no clue where Michelangelo was, let alone if Donatello was still sane, much less if they wanted him back. As a failure of a leader and brother, Leo was sure his brothers would be best off without him. Raphael could handle kraang, he was stronger than Leo, he'd proved it that night. Leo let go of the resentment that suddenly pierced him. He'd known goading Raph into a fight was a bad idea, yet he'd done it anyway, this was his fault and the blame belonged to no one else. With that in his head, Leo closed his eyes and continued his meditation.

 _ **ahh! the kraang! hehehe. i hope you enjoyed this chapter, i know i enjoyed writing it! thanks for reading this far and please review! the next chapter is a mostly B-team chapter with, again, just a little bit of Leonardo!**_


	15. Tell Me

_**Heeeyyyy! Here's the next chapter of Loneliness! bababadaaaaa! This Chapter is B-team and Leo! Sorry for the wait btw, I hope you enjoy!**_

Donatello looked at his knees, avoiding the concerned gaze of his brother and father. No one spoke for a moment until Michelangelo broke the silence.

"Donnie." he said, hearing his younger brother's voice say his name made tears prick Donatello's eyes. He looked up sadly at his brother, who had changed so much. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked pleadingly, those gray blue eyes of his large and round. "It's not your fault I left, it's no one's fault."

"Yes, it is my fault." Donatello insisted, "if i didn't trip you-"

"No, Don," Mikey interrupted, "I left because I was angry, but I stayed away because I wanted to see if Leo was right." his gaze lowered, "i wanted to prove to you guys that i really could take care of myself, and i got so wrapped up in my own little world that I thought none of you wanted me back."

"Of course we wanted you back!" Don said shrilly, "but you only left because I let Raph and Leo yell at you!" Mikey sighed and shook his head.

"Dee, i left because Leo and Raph said those things. You wouldn't have been able to stop them anyway, they never listened to you, and I'm sure Leo doesn't hate you. he's always been stressed about failing us, and besides." a small smile played on the corners of Mikey's mouth. "I always let Raph catch me anyway, I just didn't expect him to hurt me like that." Donatello stared at him, mouth working.

"What?" he finally managed, "how does that Make sense Mikey? You know Raphael has a hard time controlling his anger, and-"

"And now we don't even know if he's alive!" Mikey said, jumping to his feet, Donatello bit his lip and looked down. "Stop thinking about the past, Donatello, think about the future!" Mikey sighed. "Do you have any idea where in the ocean Leo is?" Donatello bit his lip. He could figure it out, yeah, he could. But facing Leo after all this time...he couldn't do that.

"I can find out." he said finally, getting to his feet. "I'll go start the...research." Donatello walked to his lab, Leaving Mikey watching sadly after him.

Mikey sat heavily next to Splinter. "I shouldn't have shouted." he said, "now Donnie's upset and I don't know what to do."

"Michelangelo." Splinter smiled, placing a shaking hand on Mikey's shoulder. "You have brought joy into my heart when i believed it was all lost. Donatello was slowly losing his sanity, locking himself in his lab all day, since I was bedridden in grief." Mikey looked up at his father.

"That's just it sensei," he said, spreading his hands helplessly, "when I came into the lair yesterday, Donnie hardly believed i was real. He had to touch me first, and even now i'm afraid he thinks he's still dreaming" Mikey shook his head sadly, "I know what you mean by his sanity though, he's been so happy, he's been...like i was."

"Yes."

"Not just that, sensei." Mikey continued, once he had started he couldn't stop. "But he want's me to be like that too, he wants me to be the same as I always was but I...I'm not."

"Yes." Splinter laughed lightly, "you are changed, Michelangelo. And you do not want to hurt your brother, but some things...must be set right. As gently as possible."

"What are you saying I should do?" Mikey asked in confusion, "it's just, I feel like it's my fault for them leaving, and Donnie blames himself too, what am I supposed to do? I know that even if he finds Leo, he won't go to that island, and if I go...what will Leo think of me?"

"Hmm."

"What if he's mad at me? What if he doesn't want to come back?" Mikey sighed. "If I come back without him, Donnie'll be crushed."

"Then do not come back without him." Splinter said with a small smile. "You are a ninja, are you not? Leonardo is good, yes, but I assume you have improved greatly."

"So, what," Mikey said, smiling. "If he doesn't wanna come back I knock him out, tie him up and bring him back anyway?" the freckle faced ninja laughed. "Yeah ri-"

"Yes." Splinter said, smiling. Mikey blinked in surprise.

"Oh." he said, "I guess i should get some rope then." Splinter chuckled and managed to get to his feet.

"I will meditate now." he said, Mikey nodded and walked next to his father until they reached the dojo, in case he fell. "Be good to your brothers, Michelangelo." Mikey nodded and turned to look at the floor. He just hoped he wouldn't disappoint his brother and father.

Leo sat on the dunes, staring out over the ocean. It'd been a week since he saw those humans, and he couldn't stop thinking. Casey had been pretty far away when he spotted Leo, but the emotions had been evident on his face. Surprise, shock, longing? He wanted leo to come home, but...Leo couldn't. He shouldn't have even spoken to those humans, though he was glad they a sigh, Leo figured a swim would help clear his head and unstrapped the katana from his shell. Then Leo ran, smiling for the first time in a few days, up the hill toward the cliff that overlooked a lagoon. He'd dived off it before, so it was definitely safe, and then he jumped.

Soaring, he arched in a graceful dive and hit the water flawlessly, stroking underneath, Leo looked around at the colorful world that met his eyes. Fish scattered when he swam too near, but most knew they could trust him. Coral was farther out, and the blue eyed terrapin swam to it, looking at the hundreds of life forms on the reef. As Leo's air gave out, the green head broke the surface and he started treading water, gasping for breath as small waves lapped at his head. He had swum farther than intended and was nearer the main reef than he had ever been. With a sigh and a deep breath, Leo started paddling back to shore. With a start, he found his mind blissfully clear, clearer than it had been for a while now. Not wanting it to stop, Leo took a huge breath and dove beneath the surface once more, enjoying the feel of saltwater rushing past his face. Finally, the water grew shallow and Leo stood, it was waist high. Smiling and shaking water off of himself, wringing out his blue bandanna, Leo waded back to shore and realized he's been swimming all afternoon. He sat on the beach and watched the sun set over the western horizon, and only then did he think of home. Home was west. He knew that, being in the Atlantic ocean, but going home was pointless, he'd just end up hurting them again. Setting his mouth in determination, Leonardo retrieved his katana from the sand and walked into the trees, to his hut, and to his makeshift cot.

"Goodnight." he said, speaking for the first time in a long time. "goodnight."

 _ **Well, that's this chapter! Thanks for sticking with me and please please please review!**_


	16. my bad, once more

Hey, I'm really really sorry guys. when i started this story i was going full steam, but I'm sure I'll get it going again soon, I'm posting this to apologize and to make sure my story isn't deleted or anything. I'll start writing again as soon as possible, but you all are welcome to check out the one-shot's I'll be posting! sorry again, adieu.


	17. Not In Your Mind

_**yeah, yeah, I know it's been like decades since I updated and I'm really sorry. I'll try and work through the rest of this, but it won't be as steady or reliable as any of my others. Here's a new chapter I think you'll like; especially if you liked the character Jane I introduced in one of Leo's chapters. This chapter doesn't have Leo in it, so let's see how Jane gets involved...?**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **and now, enjoy!**_

 _ **TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT**_

"According to tides and ocean currents, and the weather on the day Leo left," Donatello said, drawing circles on his big map of the world, " he would have gone in this direction, and since he didn't die, hopefully, it was quick. I think that someone would survive that long about...a day and a half, two days?" he shrugged, Mikey nodded, lips pursed, "so he'd be about….here!" Donatello drew a small circle on the map, "in this 500 square mile area, the good news is, the only islands in that area are right about here." Don sectioned off the nearest corner of the circle, "so you'll only have to check on a few islands to see if he's there. I can log the coordinates into the balloon, you should take it."

"You fixed it?" Mikey asked in surprise, breaking Donatello's concentration.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I got bored one week and decided to fix a bunch of the things." he replied, startled at how much he sounded like his old self. "As I was saying, it might take you a day and a half, depending on winds, to get out there, so you'll have to pack provisions for one on the way out, and two on the way in-"

"So you definitely aren't coming?" Mikey asked, looking slightly put out, "are you sure?"

"Yes," Don said, folding his arms. "I am not going to face Leo until I have to Mikey, if I go he definitely won't come home." a sigh, "as I was still saying, you can leave as soon as possible, according to this weather predictor I used, the weather will be perfect for two days starting tomorrow, so you should leave either tonight or in the morning."

"Already?" Mikey seemed surprised, "sweet!" Don smiled.

"The thing is, however," he cautioned, "after two days there'll be some rain or storms, so you have to be careful deciding when to come home."

"Aye aye cap'n!" Mikey said, saluting his brother, Don smiled again and capped his marker.

"Good, I'll spend the rest of today helping you ready the balloon and your provisions, you should bring extra just in case."

"Alright," Mikey said, Don nodded again and smiled at Mikey, hoping beyond hope that his brother was right and that Leo would soon be home. The only thing that worried him was Raphael, where was the red-masked turtle anyway?

Mikey walked out of the lab and pulled out his new phone, Don had three ready, two now actually, and texted Casey. He wanted to get some more info from the black haired vigilante

 ** _TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT_**

Mikey looked at his friend with a small smile. Casey looked upset, but smiled back.

"You've been gone for a while Mike." he said, "three years. What did you do? Y'know, other than mend fences?" Mikey laughed, looking at the ceiling.

"I…." he shrugged. "Ilived. No duties, no responsibilities, no thought of consequences…" his face darkened, making his light gray blue eyes look like broken glass. "Except for guilt of my actions before." this evidently surprised Casey.

"You felt guilty?" he asked, "I mean, i'm not mad or upset and i get that you can feel guilt but, you just never seemed the kinda guy to feel it that much."

"I felt guilty the whole time." Mikey said, "and i was so confused, i say i didn't have responsibilities but...i was afraid of disappointing someone. I could never stay anywhere longer than a year, that's what led me down south, well, i was gonna go south till i stayed here."

"Huh." Casey nodded, looking back out at the skyline. "So, why did you come over?" they were sitting on casey's roof. Mikey wanted to ask the vigilante something. "You said you had a question."

"Yeah," Mikey said, looking at his hands. "These people who met Leo...are they here in new york? Are you still in touch with them? Is there a way i can talk to them?" Casey looked at him sympathetically.

"Well, I'm still in contact with them, yeah. They told me they used to live here in New york city, but they said when they got back they were gonna move out of state, which they've done."

"Oh." Mikey said, crestfallen. "Where did they move to?" Casey looked at him again searchingly. The orange masked turtle had certainly changed a lot in the past three years, he thought, so much in fact, he wondered if the prankster was still there, or if he joked for expectation.

"Chicago." he replied.

* * *

"Nice!" Raph said, looking at the sharp black sai he'd found in the storage of the shop. "This is perfect!" he spun it and stuck it in his belt, leaving his old one from Splinter in it's place, "now for a care kit…" the red masked turtle rummaged through a few more boxes, glancing up now and then to make sure no one was coming, and was rewarded for his efforts by a do-it-yourself sai cleaning and care kit, complete with a sharpener! With a satisfied nod Raphael jumped to the open window, glancing back one more time to assure his presence was undetected, and jumped up onto the rooftop.

Immediately starting to run, he scanned the streets for anything he should watch for. The night was uneventful, however, and he soon found himself back at the abandoned warehouse he'd stayed at for the past few days. Checking to make sure the warehouse was still empty, Raph patrolled the catwalks. Eventually, the rest masked ninja sat on top of the truck he's ridden here on and took out his sai and the maintenance kit. Working to clean and sharpen his own rusted, red hilted sai, Raph listened to the city of Chicago wake up around him. Cars, trucks, people, even a few dogs barked to wake up the city soon enough, it was bustling once again. With a satisfied smile, Raph looked critically at his Sai. it was polished and sharpened and gleamed like it had three years ago. That was good.

He jumped to his feet and started katas experimentally, feeling the new weight of the black sai in his hand. It was slightly different, made in america, but it was a weapon. Suddenly, Raphael heard footsteps on the bottom floor of the warehouse. He ducked into the shadows, frowning. How did anyone get in here? The windows and doors were all boarded up, except for a secret one that was loose. Then he heard the crying, it was a kid? With a frown, Raphael peered down at the child, a young girl with a cast on her arm was now huddled in a ball in a corner, holding her head and crying.

"The shell?" he said despite himself, and the girl looked up. Right at him. "Holy moley that's freaky!" he stumbled back, how had she heard him anyway?"

"Turtle…" Raph frowned, was he hearing that right? "Like…" Raph walked back to the edge to see that the girl had somewhat calmed and was taking small steps toward the ladder. There was no way she'd be able to climb that without getting hurt, and he sighed. She'd already seen him, might as well keep her from harm. He jumped down to the level she was on and the girl stared at him with wide eyes.

"No, not like him." she decided, "less of a cage." Raph scowled.

"What are you-"

"Raphael!" she said triumphantly, "that's your name!"

"What the shell!" Raph said, completely freaked out, "how do you know that?"

"I'm Jane." she said matter of factly, walking over and sitting cross legged in front of him, Raph frowned and did the same so he could see her better. "And your bandana is red." Raph frowned in annoyance.

"It's a mask." he snapped, "what are you doing here?"

"Hiding." her lower lip trembled. "So many people...it hurts my head." Raph frowned as she massaged her temples. "He said that i had a lot of empathy, like a psychic but different, i can hear things and know things…" she smiled a bit. "Like you are Raphael."

"Yeah…"

"And you're running."

"I'm sitting." Raph bit out, Jane shook her head.

"Not in your mind." she said, with too much authority for a six year old. Raph frowned, watching her intently, Jane returned the look.

"What are you talking about?" he said, "what do you mean, 'in my mind'?"

"The other turtle knew." Jane said matter of factly, "he said it was empathy, and if someone needs me i can see them in their mind."

"What do i look like in my mind?" Raph asked, smiling a bit. This kid had a crazy imagination!

"Running." Jane repeated, staring up at him. "The other one was in a cage."

"Who's the other one?" Raph asked, slightly curious.

"Leonardo." his stomach dropped, eyes wide.

"What?" he asked hoarsely, Jane nodded.

"Me and mommy and daddy were on a boat that got sunk and we found an island. And Leo was on the island, and he fixed my arm."

"On an island? You mean in his head?"

"No, he was in a cage in his head." Jane rolled her eyes, "and he fixed my arm, see? But the doctor put a better cast on it, anyway," she looked around. "He said that he had three brothers that were all over the place, and he didn't know where you were. Now i know, but he doesn't still." she frowned. "That's sad."

"Yeah, that is...sad." he looked at her strangely. "Where are your parents?"

 _ **A cliffhanger. yikes. really sorry, I'll try to update soon but you know me and this story don't have a great relationship. Any reviews are appreciated, and thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Until Next time,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


End file.
